The Christian Way Forums / The Christian Way Forums / New to Forums -- Introductions and Personal Stories

Just jumping in ...

Do_Go_Be_Man — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 09:22:18 GMT

[b][Moderator's note: moved from Recovery and Health Issues » When health becomes an obsession][/b]

Anonymous Posted August 5, 2008 @ 12:14:11 PM

Hi,
I'm just jumping in. I just found this site today. I am relieved to find a place where people might understand what my life has been like.

I am a fourth generation Christian Scientist, raised in the church. In a way, because my parents were not rock-solid CS (they drank wine), I became even MORE of an adherent to CS in rebellion. I joined the Mother Church and branch church at 12. I went to the Adventure Unlimited camps at Buena Vista. I went to Principia College for my B.A., and then went through class instruction. I was second reader at my branch church after I got married to a wonderful man I met at Prin, also class taught.

Then it fell apart. My husband had been struggling for years with homosexuality. He prayed, he sought help from the church and practitioners, and all they would tell him was to pray and be healed, and, essentially, marry a nice CS girl. He loved me, but eventually he had to be true to himself, which I support. But neither of us had any kind of support or knowledge of how to deal with the grief of divorce and failure, much less after suffering a miscarriage shortly before we separated. I was so stunned to think that I did everything "right", that I thought this marriage was truly a demonstration of God's love, how could it possibly fail? What did I do wrong? How could this have happened? And my ex struggled with self-acceptance plus the guilt over hurting me and breaking his vows, plus the very non-CS life of a gay man in our society. The church offered nothing to either of us. We both left the church, but felt cast off and adrift, having no idea how to live in a world that was nothing like what we'd been taught it would be.

Eventually, my ex returned to the CS church. He told me he found a tolerant church in Atlanta (which I find hard to believe! But if he was happy, that was fine with me.) I never returned to the church. I more and more began to realize how much "blame the victim" thinking there is. If you are healed, it's due to God and Mrs. Eddy -- if not, well, you just don't have enough spiritual understanding, and you "let the error into your thought." I have struggled for years to understand that life just happens to people. Every failure, from cancer to a flat tire, cannot be ascribed to my faulty understanding of spiritual reality. Sometimes you just run over a nail, for crying out loud!

Back in the CS church, my ex of course had no medical checkups, so he did not know he had Hepatitis B until he collapsed one day and was rushed to the hospital with liver failure. He was put on the transplant list and had to take a battery of pills and follow a special diet. He struggled with this in a way that was so painful for him -- he had more than enough stress to deal with, but the extra stress of fearing that he was not being healed because he was trying to combine CS and medical treatment was overwhelming. He struggled with the fear that his being gay was "letting error into his thought", thus he had "let" the hepatitis into his experience. And his ambivalence about the medical treatment caused him to sometimes ignore it in favor of prayer. In the end, he died just as a liver transplant was made available for him -- his body just gave out.

I have seen two uncles die under CS treatment -- one of leukemia, the other of something never diagnosed. My grandfather also died of something undiagnosed but being "treated" through CS.

I do believe spiritual healing sometimes works. The mind/body/soul connection is complex and we don't understand everything about it. But to insist that you must choose between medical care and your religion is downright cruel. The idea that the church, which should provide support and spiritual comfort, offered my ex nothing during his great struggles in life, makes me so angry, and yet having also been raised in that church, I can understand why he still went back to them, finding perhaps some comfort and connection to his mother (who died while we were at Prin, again of something undiagnosed while being treated through CS.) My ex did not even know how to grieve for his mother -- he was expected to be "healed" of grief.

In the wake of divorce, loss, grief, I have sought out the compassionate fellowship of grief counselors and fellow grievers in support groups, and learned to my amazement that emotions are normal, grief and loss are part of life, and that I did nothing to deserve this. Grief and loss are not punishment for "erroneous thinking", they are part and parcel of being human, and they teach us how fragile life is, and how important compassion is. But denial seems to be the watchword of CS. Although my old college friends of course were sympathetic when my ex died at the age of 50, they did not seem to know what to say about him, my gay ex-husband who was having medical treatment for a life-threatening illness. My friendship with some of them was deeply strained by their refusal to discuss my feelings of grief, and their discomfort with my support of his acceptance of his homosexuality. My ex's gay friends, who took me into their hearts and shared my grief over his loss, gave me far, far more than the church ever did.

Thanks for listening -- I can't believe I left the church back in 1984, yet the effect of CS still gets to me sometimes. My grief counselor called my feelings "complicated grief" and "disenfranchised grief". My family is similarly unable to process grief. I was asking myself just this morning what it is that seems to keep my anger and grief alive -- in stumbling over this website, I think this is what I have not fully realized, the anger I feel over the broken promises of Christian Science, and the damage it did to my life.

Nancy's Introduction

Do_Go_Be_Man — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 12:27:50 GMT

Moved from [url=http://www.christianway.org/forums/FindPost14860.aspx]New to Forums -- Introductions and Personal... » Mark's story[/url]

Posted by Anonymous July 13, 2008 @ 3:04:16 PM:

I have just come upon the forum and am saddened and startled by the sincere suffering that seems to have come about as a result of too strict Christian Science upbringings. I can only pray that you honest respondents have not left Christianity, nor let the love of God leave your hearts.

You have addressed a problem that is real in your own direct way.

I am an author who has directly addressed the church from inside in a different way. I was not brought up as a Christian Scientist but became interested through marrying one. I was not interested in the bodily healing but found it worked well enough for me and my family (though if I had it to do over, I would have been much more quick to seek medical solutions for them that I was a couple of times.) I came, and stayed because it seemed and seems, without the healing which has come to be so all-fired important to everyone who calls himself/herself a Christian Scientist, a very deep way to practice Christianity, which I loved, every day.

i believe Mary Baker Eddy to be a brilliant Christian theologian who cut through the inhibited religious practice of her day to demand high levels of consecration to God and Christian practice. That's why I still stay with it.

Because I've been a historian of the American frontier for years, I began to closely study Mrs. Eddy's concept of her religion and its inception. I had come to feel strongly that today's Christian Science "practice" is only about bodily healing, that it often harms people, that it insists on enforcing through culture and group prohibitions a bunch of protocols which are clearly unchristain. My study showed that the early church, while emphasizing physical healing through prayer(a good enough alternative to the rudimentary and often failing medical practice of the 1880s) was really about healing mankind of all ills through the prayer of absolute faith in God as the spiritual reality in the cosmos. It is an exciting idea even today, one which can be imagined if one looks at such concepts as string theory, or at most Eastern religions. Early Christian Scientists were glad for the prayer healings, but they believed they were about delving into Christian reality--the meaning of the kingdom Jesus came from and taught about.

Anyway, I wanted to show CS got way off the track after MBE's death and got into this sad state of forcing people, literally, to die to show they were good Christians. My book is for Christian Scientists. Open the Doors of the Temple urges them to let people make choices, sincerely and clearly, about physical healing (they already are as one of you pointed out, for sure) and quite enforcing these cultural protocols. I called for my religious faith to quite forcing people to suffer; it is completely unChristian and against the earliest meaning of the church. My contention was that Mrs. Eddy would be horrified; that's provable by many letters she sent to people telling them to seek aid if they were unable to find physical help through prayer. And do it quickly; she saw that it was very detrimental to have people suffering and dying and completely inhumane.

Of course.

The book is in its second printing and I have had letters and calls from all over the country saying, "We feel this way too." A new feeling and saying is prevalent now among many churches and even officials "CS is a religion of choice." I insisted along with others in my church that we encourage people to feel well, seek their own physical healing, talk about it with all of us so we can help, and get on with being good Christians relying on God as our All the best we can. Which probably isn't very good but we're trying.

So dear correspondents here, don't throw us all out with the bathwater, though I can easily understand what you are saying and feel so sad you went through it. We're not all crazy and I for one will not stand for a moment for someone's suffering over a period of time when they can take a tylenol. The mysteries of Christian pefecting along our life journey are not about whether one sniffs up a nasal spray or not, whether one gets a heart stent. Lots of us are doing that now as a matter of fact and holding our heads up to those who think it's all about "sticking it out no matter what." Pooh, I say, on that. Move on, my fellow religionists. Love you all out there-- [Smile]

Nancy Niblack Baxter

Mark's story

Linda — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 09:05:25 GMT

IleftCSin74 had some problems posting his story and then a followup post, so I am posting them at his request. -- Linda

I left CS in 1974. I had a very difficult upbringing at the hands of a CS Practitioner. My Mom's mother, my Dad's dad, and my Dad himself, ALL faith-healed themselves to death. Both sides of my family joined the CS Church in the 1920s or 1930s. My dad's father was the Chief Editorial Writer for the Monitor from the 1940s through the 1960s. My upbringing was full of abuse and neglect. My mom claims that I had a 'miraculous' healing of meningitis at the age of 2. Of course, I don't remember it. I do remember my mom accusing me of not having enough faith to heal athlete's foot at the age of 7. I thought for the last 43 years that I was unique, but Kathy at EXCS-UK proved that I wasn't alone. At the age of 12 I broke my left leg skiing. (It was a twist fracture of the front bone in my lower left leg, as the ski binding didn't release). My mom refused to allow the medical personnel at the ski resort to send me to a hospital, as this was "against our religion". Instead we went home, where she tried to faith-heal me for 3 days. When my dad returned from a business trip they argued over him calling an ambulance. When we arrived at the hospital the ER doctor told us that the bone would have to be reset, and started to prepare a pain injection. My mother loudly objected, saying that it was "against our religion"! The doctor pleaded with her, to no avail. Why he didn't just have her removed from the ER is a mystery. What followed was like torture, as my broken leg was reset without any medication. The "healing" of my broken leg was proclaimed a "miraculous" healing, and published by my mom. Now she denies that it ever happened. My memory must be wrong, I'm told. In separate incidents, I also sprained an ankle 3 times, broke both thumbs separately, and also my nose was broken. In none of these cases was ANY medical care provided.

I was molested numerous times at the hands of older boys and men from the CS Church that my parents trusted implicitly and without reservation, just because they were from the Church. I attended the Cedars camp in MO, a CS summer camp in the late 1960s. One counselor had all of us boys skinny-dip while he watched. Then later on he came into our cabin and molested a couple of us while we were sleeping. We might have been 11 years old. Between the ages of 8 & 10 a CS male babysitter molested me, and several times at 13 to 14 a former Vietnam-era ex-Marine (from our church) molested me. At age 14 I was sent to Daycroft School in CT. I only lasted a year before I left there. I didn't fit in in the CS/Ivy League prep setting. Good thing too, as the next Fall the school suffered an outbreak of polio in the boy's dorm. Somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 boys were infected, 20 years after a polio vaccine had been discovered. One of them was my former roommate. What do you bet that at least part of the problem was that school authorities didn't approach the medical community right away. After all, doing so would have been "against our religion". I attended AU in Colorado twice, and a friend of mine died there in 1974 trying to climb a 14,000 ft peak. He would probably still be alive if AU hadn't thought that they should be exempt from a CO. State law concerning camps that take juvenile campers above 10,000 ft elevation and carrying an emergency oxygen supply. I know: Emergency oxygen is "against our religion". Tim's parents refused to sue the camp because what happened was "God's will", and Tim's name and story is missing from any website about kids killed by reliance on Christian Science.

I left CS in 1974, but my faith had died several years earlier. In high school I was drinking and using illegal drugs. (I first smoked pot at Daycroft)! One Saturday night I went out with friends and by 11:00 PM was too intoxicated to drive home. I called home and my mom acquiesced and allowed me to stay overnight at a friend's house. (She warned me to come to church the following day under penalty of losing my car). The next morning I awoke late with a big headache. My friend gave me 2 Excedrin’s and I drove straight to the church, wearing my Saturday night street getup. By the time I arrived I had experienced my first "healing" thanks to an over-the-counter medication, as my headache was gone. My mom met me at the door and there was a big scene as she refused to admit me, as I wasn't "dressed fit to see the Lord". Several long-time members argued that I was welcome no matter that I was wearing blue jeans and a black leather coat. I burned rubber all the way out of the driveway and earned a great personal victory. Mom would not allow me to attend because she was so embarrassed by that Sunday. Except for attending once each to hear my mom and step-dad read at their new home in Pasadena, CA I haven't attended since that Sunday in the Fall of 1974.

My step-dad kicked me out of their house when I was out there on vacation a couple of years ago. I suggested that his church needed to downsize because they were only drawing 5% of capacity and were having constant financial questions. Their Pasadena church, the last of 3 grand Pasadena-area churches still open, is in a hot development area, and the land is worth many millions. I suggested selling 3/4ths of the land, and building a new smaller church behind the Reading Room, which is on Green St, 1 block east of the Paseo mall. Just the value of the sold land would have been enough to construct the new church and provide a stipend to pay for it's upkeep in perpetuity. He roared that it was the fault of all of us "ungrateful" children that have left the Church, and that is why they are struggling to make ends meet. He was then on the church Board. I spent the rest of the vacation in a motel. And I am right. There is no way that 100 mainly elderly members can support an eighty year-old edifice that was designed to hold 2,000 people. And because of the credit crisis, that chance has likely come and gone. Why do I care? Because I tired of seeing my mom pump $500 or $1,000 into the collection plate every Sunday so that the place doesn't go under.

My mom is a leading Practitioner, Teacher, and Lecturer, and has published a book on CS/spiritual healing. I was at her house (my step-dad died last summer) a few weeks ago. Her phone rings nearly constantly. One woman called back at least 5 times, obviously in great pain and quite fearful. Mom gave her same pat line about working on her thinking, told her that she would "work", whatever that means, and told her to call back if she had any more trouble, which obviously this woman must have had. And before much work could be done, the phone rang again, with another victim in desperation. It oh so reminded me of the many nights of suffering in my childhood, when there were only a few words from a practitioner to comfort me. I have to wonder if part of the gig isn't voice hypnotism, by varying delivery speed and cadence. Otherwise it is a sham, in my opinion. The only thing that mom is going to do for certain is send them a bill. She makes $1,000 per day, or more. Both of my sisters and I have long left the CS Church, and all 3 of us are professed atheists now. All of us have too many painful memories to ever go back though mom pushes that idea every day. She is rich and none of us kids are. I always make sure that some of her money goes to liberal causes when she sends it.

I got off of illegal drugs 10 years ago, and the last decade has been the best years of my life. I still struggle with the repressed pain of my upbringing though. My little sister suggested BLUE WINDOWS to me recently. I looked-up a couple of reviews and my pain was brought up again. Her site led me to others including to Kathy's EXCS-UK site and I got an email back from her, all the way from England. (I have since received more from England). I've looked for ex-CS groups here for many years without success. I found help for my other problems in Minnesota and Colorado years ago. I've still got the CS-thing around my neck like a noose though. It's likely that mom will be around for 10 or more years and us kids will constantly be bombarded with her religious angst for the duration.

Thanks for letting me share on your site, and thanks for sharing your stories. I hope that all of you have been able to put the past into perspective and move above it.

Mark

Here's the second post:

I found this group through the group ex-CS UK, and did get a personal response from that group's founder, Kathy, (who's story appears on your site also).

I am basically looking for a group of ex- Christian Scientists who have left the church because of the abuse they suffered as children in the name of religion. My story is in some respects similar th Kathy's story. My mother is an extremely devoted, accomplished Practitioner and Teacher. She still laments the fact that her message was not strong enough to keep any of her children in the religion. We all left because we thought that our upbringing in Science was abusive. All of us discovered as teenagers that over-the-counter medications could either "heal" or provide relief for many ailments that we had been expected to just suffer with growing-up. None of us left the church to subsequently join other churches. My little sister went through religious de-programming counseling, and is probably the most aggressive "denouncer" of the Church and the abuse we suffered as children through strict reliance on the "healing" tenants of CS, of us 3 kids. I was the eldest child. I was the one who had to endure more of the timeframe before my mother became a Practitioner back in the late 1960s, when I was already close to 12 years old. My little sister was 5 or 6 when my mother became a Practitioner, though I'm not sure that this changed much. It may have made mother even more reliant on the CS-approach.

Unlike in Kathy's case, I have not had to suffer through the rigors of CS invalid or senior care. Most of my close relatives did not survive CS-treatment and never became elderly. All died rather suddenly when they seemed to be in fairly good health. All three probably would have lived many more years if they had just taken over-the-counter medications instead of relying exclusively on CS-teachings. Only my dad's mother survived past age 79. My dad was well-off enough to afford assisted-living for his mom. After surviving a 2nd stroke, my dad put his mother in a CS "nursing" facility in Columbus, OH, 150 miles from home, where she died a few years later. I only saw her a few times during her time in Columbus, and it was plain that her dementia had progressed to the point where she couldn't remember who I was. She scarcely could remember who my dad was. She lived to age 93. All that I could think of was how much happier her later years might have been without CS. Certainly my grandfather might have lived a lot later then age 67, and my dad would have lived well beyond 68, if they had just taken OTC medications instead of radically relying on CS. Even my mother has used some of her great wealth to help pay for various of her kids and grandkids medical issues. Does she feel some guilt? Has this caused some shift in policy within her?

Thanks again,

Mark

New to Forum....Inzane99

inzane99 — Mon, 26 May 2008 16:09:26 GMT

Hello all,

Someone suggested I start a new topic to I guess introduce myself and my background in CS.

I've already posted in a couple of different topics here and will try not to repeat myself.

I've read quite a number of posts here and am happy to knpw there are others who were subjected to the same catch phrases like "know the truth" or "it's in your thought" or "mortal mind". I thought my mother was the only one who talked liked this until now.

One quick story of CS at work. While playing basketball in the 9th grade I severely sprained my ankle and was in extreme pain. The referee from the game drove me home as my parents never or rarely came to my games. When I got home my mother was unsympathetic and told me to "know the truth" and this never really happened. The next few weeks I was made to walk to school which my foot swollen and discolored. I always made to believe I did something wrong or if I denied hard enough it would dissappear. It wasn't til years later I had to have my leg X-rayed and the tech asked me how long ago I had broken my ankle as she could tell by the way the bones had healed. Boy, was I jacked! Knowing my own mother wouldn't seek medical attention for me and made me walk about a 1 mile each way to school on a broken ankle. So much for divine Love...they should have one called divine Endurance or divine Torture. I think in my parents case it would be called divine Deception.

Anyway after forgetting most of CS teachings... reading these posts and recalling some of CS belief system I'm curious why there isn't a mass exodus from this farce. To think there is no sin, no judgement, no heaven no hell...just what is the point of a CS life here on earth. Oh that's right .....there is no earth and we're not really here. What an absurd viewpoint and to base your whole life's existence on this premise...WOW....no wonder my parents can't find peace.

If any of you are practicing CS I pray for your eyes to be opened to the truth "that the Lord loves you and wants you to accept Jesus, His Son and his death on the cross as payment for our sins. It is a free gift...can't be earned...only accepted by faith.

Hey, I didn't sign up for CS, I was born into it. What's your excuse?

Inzane99;)

Marital struggles now after leaving CS

sespe1844 — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 19:40:23 GMT

I just found this site. I was raised Catholic but met a Christian Scientist in college and became hooked in CS from 1985-2002. I wonder sometimes if any other former members have had my experience: I made a decision as a CS to get married to a non-CS who knew right off CS was false but as my wife she let me have the experience while reminding me it was not for her nor for our kids when we were ready to start a family.
As a new CS person, I thought by marrying a non-CS person I could save them and show them the meaning of Truth - little did I know. Now, since coming out of CS in 2002 and being completely free and committed to a life with only Scripture, I reflect on my marriage and see how todays problems are born of choices from back then. Has anyone had similar problems? I would like to hear from you.

Jeff S

New member-coming to terms with grief re. CS

Rosebud3 — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:09:59 GMT

Hi, I am rosebud3,

Glad to have someone to talk to. My father was CS before I was born but quit due to a health related experience he had so we were raised Presbyterians. My father's brother and family are CS. To further complicate this I am a medical nurse and was in the midst of a migraine and serious emotional turmoil the last time I saw my Uncle. This was over 10 years ago. I was sitting beside him at Thanksgiving dinner and I could see all the symptoms of a heart condition but did not tell him. Within a year he died of heart failure. When I was there the family seemed to be trying to heal me and it did help, but I also felt de-valued, not only for some of my life choices but also for the thing that I did have to offer that I didn't share that could have saved his life.

There has also been another early unexplained death in their family and I feel guilty and invisible. There is a lot wrong in the medical world too and I have been studying CS for 2 years, made some friends, prayed with a practioner and even recently was thinking about class. This may sound odd as of the 2 deaths I mentioned but having experienced healing in CS and loving my extended family so much I thought perhaps something would come out of this that would benefit all. Then I wrote to a practitioner that I truly felt God was leading me to, even though I didn't particularly care for some things I had heard about this person, and the practitioner said teaching me wasn't the right step for the practitioner. Later I found myself grieving my Uncle's death again and understanding God to say to me that Love is the most important . It is like looking at a circle and Love is the center and all action needs to proceed from that center but I can't seem to move or connect , find the tangible direction to take.

I just wanted to connect and talk about this because I think it is what I need to do. There is a lot more where this comes from. Thanks for being there.

Introduction message posted by cunninghambruce

Do_Go_Be_Man — Thu, 01 May 2008 14:30:22 GMT

[b][Moderator's note: This message was originally posted by cunninghambruce in the [url=http://www.christianway.org/forums/FindPost14519.aspx]New to Forums -- Introductions and Personal... » New member-coming to terms with grief re. CS[/url] thread][/b]

Posted May 1, 2008 @ 3:43:00 PM
cunninghambruce
Newbie

Greetings. I am new to these forums.

I love the idea that God loves us all, unconditionally, irrespectively of where we are in life. Of what church we attend, or even no church. We can never be outside of His/Her love. And He/She offers us spiritual solutions to all our problems. If you have a problem, She has the solution. By the way, you will notice that both the masculine and the feminine are in the 'She.' I feel it is our task to be humble and open enough, and spiritually curious enough, to reach out, open up our thought enough to find these, solutions. We all, myself included, have so much more potential than we may realize. Finding and living our boundless potential can be such a wonderful, even fun adventure. There is no limit to what we can do when we have dedication and commitment, pure and loving motives, with a wide open thought.

Bruce of San Francisco, CA

Bruce Cunningham

Hello! My name is Jim and I'm an ex-CS!

bbqsmith — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 19:59:20 GMT

Never been to an AA meeting but I understand that's how one introduces oneself! I found this forum quite by chance and have been reading posts all afternoon. Figured I may as well tell my story and see what happens.

I was raised in CS but never really ever understood it's teachings. My younger brother and I attended SS every Sunday with our parents attending the "grown-ups" service. We were even taken on Wednesday evenings where we were left in the care of Mrs. Laird at the church nursery! As I got older Mrs Laird still kept an eye on me while I did my homework out in the Sunday school room. I'm 51 years old and still to this day remember those boring two days of the week. Dad, I know now, only went because of Mom who is still a Journal listed practitioner after forty plus years. Dad left the church after he and Mom divorced some twenty years ago and my brother left seven years ago, much to the disappointment of Mom. I, on the other hand being the rebellious teen I was, quit attending church at age 16. However, since CS was all I had ever known, I tended to call on Mom when "the need arose." That came to a dead halt in 1981 when I suffered a ruptured appendix. I remember asking my wife at the time to call Mom. She came over and was sitting on the bed with me "knowing the truth" while I was screaming out in agony. Our neighbor, who worked in a Dr's office, came over to check on me. She took one look at me and called her boss. He told her to get me to the ER immediately and he would meet us there. I agreed to go and will never forget the look on Mom's face. She had dissapointment in her eyes, but did not attempt to stop me. The neighbor took me to the ER where her boss was waiting. He ordered immediate emergency surgery to remove the ruptured appendix. I spent 10 days in ICU recovering from an illness that would have surely killed me had I not received the help I needed when I did. Mom never visited me in the hospital and never mentioned the insident again. That single incident convinced me that CS was not the way to go but talk about a guilt trip I've indured for years!

Though the guilt has subsided over the years, it has been replaced with resentment and anger. At 14 my grandmother "passed away" and I never really knew what killed her until recently. She died of uterus cancer while under CS treatment. She opted for medical treatment towards the end, but it was too late. The same happened to my beloved aunt, Mom's only sister. She died of breast cancer five years ago while under CS treatment. She too opted for medical care much too late. Mom said she didn't have to die and I'm thinking, you know, your absolutely right...she didn't have to and wouldn't have had she received proper care. Now I'm dealing with the possibility I may never see Mom again. She checked herself into a CS nursing facility four weeks ago with a "problem" I have since learned she has had for some time now. Of course, she won't speak to me but does talk with my brother almost daily. However all he can get out of her is that the staff is "taking care of me." We do know she has "let go" her long time friend and practitioner and replaced her with "someone closer to the area." What difference is that supposed to make? She let her go because it isn't working so now Mom is seeking help from another who can't do anymore than the first. I now carry the date of Dec. 3, 2005 as possibly being the last day I saw my mom alive.

I'm glad to see the number of CS members declining. Too bad Mom has to die to further that decline.
Thank you for letting me vent. I'll be back to vent some more as the memories emerge.

Jim

Hello from a new noob

outertrial — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 14:21:27 GMT

Hi

Id like to introduce myself to the forum. I'm from the UK. Grew up with my mother and grandmother, my mother was a committed CS my grandmother was not and was very suspicious of it all. My mother died after a very long wasting illness ending in pnuemonia, when I was 18; shortly before this my grandmother died in hospital from Alzheimers.

Like many people Ive been reading about recently right up until the end my mother was always convinced a healing was just around the corner and alternated between resenting herself that she wasnt cured and resenting me that I wasnt using my 'abilities' to cure her.

I'm 31 now and am only just coming to a realisation about the harm this religion has done to me psychologically and that I am nowhere near being over it. I had a sort of epiphany when I was 17 and realised that it was all bunkum, that was a great relief at the time and I thought Id just be able to walk away from it all, but you cant, not when its been ingrained for so many years since birth.

Christian Science was a sick animal here even when my mother was alive. The Church we used to attend was populated largely by very elderly frail ladies. We started going to another one in a bigger town that was populated by slightly younger less frail, elderly ladies. I would be very surprised if either churches are still around now so its not like Ive got this big target to get angry at now.

I've realised that I still feel guilty when I get sick or things arent going right. I had so many years of growing up believing that I was totally in charge of these things its difficult to deprogram it. I also think I blame other people for their weakness without realising it. Im trying to change but theres a lot of yarn to unravel in that particular ball of thread. Mostly I feel angry at my mother for inflicting it on me, and herself. I keep thinking how could such an intelligent woman have believed such hogwash.

I think of when I'd seen through it and the stand up rows we had at the end as I tried to get her to see a doctor that only made her last few months miserable and I resent myself for it.

I should mention that I'm not a Christian, nor is there any likelihood of me becoming one. Its just not for me, though I respect everyones right to practise their own religions.

Thanks for reading.

Newbie—Love, Sex, and the Christian Scientist

melissa_g — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 06:35:07 GMT

Hi,

My name is Melissa. I am a graduate student from the midwest. I am spending the spring and summer as an intern for a think tank in the Nation's Capital. Fortunately, a local family has been willing to host my stay so I didn't have to live alone or share an apartment. This family consists of Christian Scientists. I didn't know this until I came to live with them. The husband also works at the think tank with me. I know very little about the beliefs of this religion. I am not a Christian nor do I have any formal religious training.

Recently, their teenage daughter asked me to come to a talk entitled “The Straight Talk on Love and Sexuality” at a local Christian Scientist church. The speaker was a woman called Ginny Luedemann.This woman formerly sang with rock music artists like Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, and the Rolling Stones, or so she says. She is probably in her sixties now. She went to excruciating depths to tell us how she got pregnant when just a teenager, abuse she suffered from her alcoholic father, running away from home to become a rock singer, cohabitating with a boyfriend who grew up in Christian Science, her drug overdose experiences, and on, and on, and on. She would continually “diss” her alcoholic father. I got nothing from the talk, but the daughter and her mother (who also accompanied us) thought it was fantastic! They kept on talking about spiritual ideas which they said this speaker expressed. After the talk when we arrived at their home the teenage daughter showed me an issue of a magazine called the “Sentinel” which was also on the subject of the talk. Again, I got nothing from it. Alcoholism, drug abuse, illegitimate pregnancies, and dropping out of high school are nothing new to the secular world. I felt very sorry for this speaker. I think she could better serve her time getting a GED and a college degree on these issues. I''ll be leaving the family within a couple of weeks to return to grad school. I'm wondering how others who were raised as Christian Scientists were told about sex and handled sex related issues in their Christian Science homes and churches.

Thanks,

Melissa

New to Forum

peperpat — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 07:19:32 GMT

I am not a CS but have a 93 year old aunt who has been in CS for about 50 yrs. While searching for healing 15 yrs ago, I delved into the world of CS and tried desperately to claim a healing. Praise God that He directs our path and I chose Him instead. My aunt lives far from me but I am her only relative that she speaks to. I feel an urgency out of love to witness to her, but am met with MBE quotes at every turn.

I did try to join the local CS church years ago when searching for healing but was told I could not join as I was taking medication, and could only join if I was medicine-free. I found this ironic because the lady who was teaching Sunday school to my child was herself in a wheelchair and could not walk! That is when I began to search the Bible and the Bible alone. I was also told that only after becoming a member I could, if I chose, take medicine. This made no sense to me.

Thank you for this forum.

Newbie - Former Christian Scientist

thinkerforChrist — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 21:19:23 GMT

Hello,

Glad to have found this forum. I was raised by a very devout Christian Science mother, rejected Christian Science as a teen and became a born-again Christian in my late twenties.

The things that gets me most about the Christian Science church is the blatant practice of picking and choosing Bible verses in their topical teachings - something still used to compile the 'Lessons' today. I attended Christian Science Sunday School regularly for fourteen years, was taught by some very competent people, but didn't know what a disciple was, what an apostle was, who Paul was, who the Jews were or how the Old Testament differed from the New Testament. And as hard as I tried, I never could quite understand what 'soul' and 'spirit' were.

I finally started listening to a bothersome born-again Christian sixteen years ago because I couldn't deny that this person's knowledge of the Bible was far superior to my own. Come to find out, the average lay person in most non-denominational churches had a Bible knowledge far superior to my own!

I had to wonder - why would God inspire the writing of the Bible, but not allow us to fully understand it until Mary Baker Eddy would come along 1900 years later?

The old trick of picking and choosing verses throughout the Bible (in Christian Science, portions of verses), then stringing them together to form a topical 'doctrine of man' is a tired old trick.

I'd be interested to know if anyone else came to similar conclusions...

New to forums

thankful4truth — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 14:58:56 GMT

This is the first time I've participated in something like this. I have just moved to a new area and have begun membership classes for a wonderful Bible believing church. Of course they wanted my testimony, and when I mentioned being involved in CS during my childhood, the person speaking with me, even tho they seemed to know little about it, knew it wasn't based on Biblical truth and seemed concerned that I really made a complete break from this (cult). In my mind I had, but I can now see Satan at work trying to tear down. My mom lives nearby and has been involved in CS for about 50 years. I have never been able to reach her with the truth. After I was baptized many years ago, I went to her overflowing with joy and excitement. She became rather hostile, and a wall has been up since. The interesting thing is, since being in this new town, she has become involved with a Christian women's group and just loves the people. She has heard the gospel preached time and again, but still has a hard heart as to the truth of Jesus. She cannot comprehend His Deity. I have been before the Lord praying and know He is working in His timing.

My question though to folks here is: how difficult was it for you to break out of CS? For me, my salvation came after hearing my sister's testimony, after which I couldn't get enough of learning the truth. This to me is such a witness to the power of our God. My desire and continued study have continued through the years. Still, struggling tho...... need prayer. I'm living in a home with an unsaved husband and mother and need to stay strong. This issue with the church has driven me to my knees all day. Can't seem to verbalize my testimony. My childhood was a mess, could never mention sickness or pain, and felt like I was never accepted for who I was. Thank the Lord for the Body of Christ.

Thanks for listening.....sorry to ramble.

New to group, have CS father

Where Love Lives — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 15:30:10 GMT

Hi...

I've been a Christian for 3 years now. I was raised in Christian Science, by both of my parents. Thankfully, I was led away from it and to the truth of Christ. Lately I have been feeling burdened for my father, who is still practicing CS. He has Parkinson's, and although he does have regular treatment (mostly for my mom, who is not practicing CS) he still reads the lesson daily and listens to the broadcast from the mother church. I am so upset by the thought of my parents passing away without knowing Jesus. I have tried to talk to both of them about it, and although they act like they're listening I know that my dad is doing the typical CS "tune out" thing. My mom does seem to be more receptive but she's not going to go where my dad won't go. I don't know what else to do to reach them. I would love to hear about someone who has been in this same situation. Anyone have any ideas/suggestions??

Catherine

So much Resonates Here!

all in one — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:19:31 GMT

I found this wonderful site yesterday and I couldn't stop reading it. I had to sign on and join you all.
I am particularly interested to read how others have left CS after in depth Bible study. The same happened to me. I was raised in CS. I had been a devout follower, class taught the whole bit. I have experienced many healings and I'm still grateful for what it taught me. Many CS are such GOOD people. And also, in terms of how we read the Bible a lot- King James version or not, whereas there are many denominations which are far less reliant on the Bible in their services.

But it was after I became involved in a non denominational Bible Study that I saw what I had been missing. For one, in terms of Christian fellowship, just simple HUMAN ways of communicating, instead of through a veil of the ABSOLUTE instead of the RELATIVE. Others in this forum have written about how the Bible teaches us to pray in the name of Jesus Christ. I too found so much comfort in realizing that I was a sinner. That I was HUMAN. In embracing this instead of denying it all the time. And that there wasn't anything wrong with being human. In fact it was to be celebrated. And that it was only through Jesus that we could be forgiven, healed, saved.

The first commandment is that we should have no other Gods before the One God. Yet, some people seem to put CS and the CS church before God Himself.

One of the most difficult things about being a Christian Scientist, for me, was that as I became someone people relied on in the church, (and I was always on this committee or that committee, always mucking in and trying to help out like Martha) people simply didnt want to think of me as someone with problems. So when I had problems and needed help, they didn't step in. They didnt want to do anything HUMAN to help me. When I questioned things, I felt I had to keep it to myself, all my doubts and confusions... there was no way to be honest. Because it would be like letting down the side.

I realized Id rather be the prodigal son than his brother. So I left. There is so much I agree with in your discussions here, so much that resonates. Why did it have to be that way. Why couldnt we have reached out to each other, as humans, in the human way.

Then I got so fed up with Mrs Eddy's spiritual interpretation of the Lords Prayer. Whats wrong with the Lords Prayer as it is? Jesus didnt include an interpretation... it was a simple prayer, as simple as it needed to be, and then she went and fiddled around with it, and wrote a Manual which says you have to read it that way ever Sunday.
There is so much I want to talk about, and listen about with you at The Christian Way. At last I have found a forum where others understand !

Pain suffering and Christian Science.

His Truth11 — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 02:47:29 GMT

Hello all, I am new here. It seems like a good place to be. God has certainly led me here or I would never have found it. Actually I was new on this earth on Jan. 17, 1927. After being an Atheist for about 35 years I was born again about 1962,

I say about, I do not remember the exact date, but I remember where I was and what I was doing. I was in my apartment meditating on the Supernatural. I did not know if the Supernatural was true or not. For some reason, based upon what I had been doing, or reading, I decided that there was a Supernatural, and that if there was a Supernatural I was going to believe only the good supernatural. The Bible would be the good supernatural, and the bad supernatural would be anything that contradicted the bible.

All of this did not come about because of Christian Science, but my Christian Science experience came about much earlier when I was very young. My mother started me to going to a CS Sunday school when I was about age 10. My mother, and her mother, and my mother's sisters, had been Baptists once, but then all of my mother's mother's family had became Christian Scientists. I will explain why in another message, but I will skip the reason for now.

I do not know how much my mother's father and my mother's two brothers were effected by the change to Christian Science. Well, this is a start. At age 10, starting Sunday School, I was living in 1937. God Bless all. Truth11. Prayer is the best thing that we have and about the only thing that we can really afford.

Hi, I'm New & Here Coz of My CS Mum :(

jesusmyhealer — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 06:30:04 GMT

I'm new and obviously here coz I have a mum who is into this CS.

Without boring you all to death I will simply say that my mum is not the woman she was before CS.

It has come to the stage that I don't even want to go over and visit her coz I know I will get the third degree and have CS pumped into me.

I might say "I got a headache" and the answer is "No you dont, there's no such thing, it's error talking to you".

And the list goes on.

You see some things she tells me makes sense and I think ok maybe she is right eg. the power of words and how thinking things can make you believe etc.

I dont know I'm confused but I know CS is just not right.

HELP:angry:

I'm new here and this is very strange for me.

smiley — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 06:09:46 GMT

I was raised by a cs mother. My dad was a believer so there was strife in my home growing up of an unbelievable magnitude. My mothe is in her eighties now and I am trying to love her and help her to know, love and obey God through the Lord Jesus. My dad died when I was seventeen. He is surely in heaven. After graduating high school(1976) i never went back to cs. I recieved the Lord Jesus into my heart in 2000 after participating in an in depth bible study so it was a very long journey with no one witnessing to me. After reading the personal stories etc on this website yesterday I am struck by the pursuit Jesus undertakes to claim us as His own. I feel very convicted regarding the way I attack my mother with my faith. I begin with good intentions (of just loving her and being with her) but our visits always seem to end in her shouting at me and telling me to go away. Sooo i am here just to ask for prayer support (mostly for ME!) and I guess the Lord brought me here to see (in the personal stories) that this is really His battle. He will do this in His own timing which is always perfect. Just one more thing in my own defense. I am the only Christian iof my mother's 5 children. One brother is in bad shape and I want him to be saved. My husband recieved Jesus last year. Now we together are reaching to friends and his family etc. But my family is incredibly hostile. None of my siblings spent as much time in cs as I did but none of them truly know the Lord Jesus. jill

Hi, my name is Sukhdeep

TazG — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 19:25:28 GMT

I saw the light 3 days ago, I'm currently reading the bible and I have recently travelled to England to seek my fortune.

Hello my name is Krista

Kristabell — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 19:43:12 GMT

Hello everyone. My name is Krista and I'm so glad to have found this place. I became interested and fascinated with CS about 9 years ago. I really thought it was the most beautiful religion. But I could never commit to it because of my health problems. For so many years I refused to attend regular church because they did not talk about God in the way that CS did. And yet I wouldn't go to CS church because deep down I didn't want to give up my need to go to doctor when I was ill.

Yet I loved the people I met in the CS church the few times I did attend. They were so gentle and kind and honest. I felt like just walking into that church was a breath of fresh air. And I admit I did feel that CS was a "step up" from other religions.

So many years of picking up and putting down the Science and Health book. So many years of subscribing to the Journal and then tucking the issues away in frustration. There were alarming moments when I was really trying to be a christian scientist when I felt like I was brain washing myself.

And so now I have finally found the validation I needed to put this down for good. And I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Now I need to focus myself on a real personal relationship with Jesus and that is something I've always had a hard time with.

Anyways, thanks for being here and sharing the personal stories.

Hello, my name is Sharon, I think God led me here.

SharonMarie — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 20:14:07 GMT

My name is Sharon. I was raised in the Christian Science Church by a mother who converted to Science shortly after my birth. I have never had an innoculation, never had a polio shot, never was allowed to take a health class. I was one of those kids who had to get up and leave the classroom any time that anything contrary to Christian Science was being taught.

My mother went through class and most of her time was taken up with her Christian Science friends, reading the lesson and discussing whatever Mrs. Eddy said about whatever topic they were on. We had pictures of Mrs. Eddy hanging on the wall in our home. I remember we had a picture of Mrs. Eddy's study in our living room. The Scientific Statement of Being was on the wall in my bedroom and I was required to memorize it. Growing up, Christian Science and "our beloved leader" was something I lived with every day.

As a young mother, I was still very controlled by my mother, but I knew that wanted to have my kids have their innoculations, so I lied to my mother about it, sneaking around to get my kids to the doctor. And at one point, when I became deathly ill with what turned out to be gallbadder problems, I stayed home as I had attack after attack, letting the practitioner work for me until my husband took me to the hospital and they performed emergency surgery. I remember coming out of the anesthesia only to have my mother in the room telling me that I certainly had a problem with my thinking or this would never have happened to me.

My mother was never very sympathetic towards anyone's illness or just plain bad luck. Her constant statement was "there certainly is something wrong with their thinking!" Then she got old and had to use a walker and I remember she wouldn't go to church because of the walker. I told her that there actually are churches where people would bring you a casserole when you had trouble like that, but of course, not the Christian Science church. That would be actually admitting that something is wrong.

I let my mother take my kids to Sunday School at the Christian Science church, and the result of that now is that I have two grown children that are just as screwed up with religion as I am.

I feel like I have been searching for years now for my "ah ha" moment. I have read every book on Christian Science I could get my hands on. A great book is God's Perfect Child, Living and Dying in the Christian Science Church, written by a woman (Fraser) who was brought up the same way I was.

I actually have joined another church with my husband (Presbyterian), but still I struggle with my faith. I struggle with the idea of Jesus as God. I struggle with the idea that he died on the cross to "save" me from my sins, because I still struggle with the fact of being a sinner.
Not too long ago I found myself at the Christian Science church I grew up in. I don't even know why I went there, but I happened to be driving by on my way to the Presbyterian church and I was early. I noticed people going in and I just parked and went in to church. There were only about 15 people in a church that used to be full every Sunday. I knew I didn't belong there, but where do I belong?

My mother passed away about 2 years ago. She was at our local hospice for the last couple of days and the night before she died I asked her if she wanted me to read the lesson. She did and I did. I kept thinking "I don't believe I am doing this", but I read it. And the last words my mother said to me were "if you would get yourself back into the church you belong in, you would make a very good reader".
Talk about last words!!

I am so very hopeful that as I read through these messages, I will find the help and the comfort I so desperately need in my spiritual life.

Sharon

Hello

thessalonian — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 16:48:26 GMT

I am new to this forum. I have a pretty good knowledge of different forms of Christianity but don't know alot about christian scientists. I hope to learn a little here through the discussion.

Hello to everyone!

birdstrike — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 02:58:42 GMT

Hello Everyone:

I was raised in Christian Science, and after 40+ years denial, circular logic and tortuous interpretation of Scripture, I've had enough.

But I'm amazed to find Christian Scientists here on the board attempting to defend the religion! I admire their courage, and am frankly quite interested in how they think that they can succeed. With so much "good" and no "bad" in it, C.S. does feel very good, and one can simply blow any unpleasant reality away like the "dew before the sunlight" - but how can anyone defend it logically?!

And then, there's the Mary Baker Eddy problem. Have they actually looked into this woman's past?! There's a reason why it isn't discussed much. If one-tenth of the things in the Milmine book are true. . .

'Sorry to go off already. I just wish that I hadn't wasted so many years in CS.

birdstrike

Experience with CS in Germany

Anonymous — Sat, 05 Nov 2005 15:36:08 GMT

Hello,
I am a student from Germany who spent 2 1/2 years with a "CS-boyfriend". It was my first relationship with a man and I don't regret spending these years with him. I felt great love for this intelligent, critical and sensitive boy and I know that he felt (feels!) the same for me...I just regret that I did not find this homepage two years ago…
You have to know that there is not much information about CS in Germany. Nearly nobody knows it. Most of the people I told my boyfriend was CS-member asked :” What? Scientology?” All information I had were based on the experience and discussions with my ex-boyfriend and his family.
During the first year of our relationship I felt really comfortable with the situation. He and his parents never tried to convince/convert (don’t know the right Englisch word-sorry!) me, they never asked me to come to church with them. They are very nice and tolerant people. But nonetheless there was always this voice in my head saying:”There’s something “wrong” with his religion and it is not good for him.” But at that time I was not really aware of the deep impact CS had on his life. Our (naiv) compromise was to trust in the belief that both of us were shown the right way by God-even if the ways differed… The gap between his and my world did not seem to be very large.
My trust was challenged for the first time when my mother became ill (his mother gave the advice to call her father who is a healer/practical…)and my grandmother died (Instead of offering her condolences his mother said -two hours after the funeral- I was still wearing black clothes :” I havn’t seen you for a while.”)
Last year when I layed in hospital his parents did not come to visit me, they did not show any interest in the operation etc. That was the time I started to realize what CS means in “everyday life problems”.
All this was not the main reason for our seperation. More the circumstance that his self-esteem was dependent on my behavior and my love. He could not like himself and sometimes he started crying because of this. I told him all the things and qualities I loved about him, told him his talents etc. but it did not “help”. Sometimes he said he had initiated a healing process and felt better…
There is so much I could tell but I hope there is a lot you can read between the lines?
I have never understood the reason why he was so sad and desperate – especially when he had told something which made me sad or angry… After having read some passages from S&H and out of one Herold I started to realize that CS might be the reason for his doubts and problems. But I could not find the right words for my criticism and the reasons for this bad feeling inside me.
I just want to say thank you for this homepage. Now I understand more and more that my feelings and doubts were justified. I hope and pray that God will show the right way to the man I wanted to love but could not anymore…

Zoe

recovering CSer with questions

kms — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 11:11:57 GMT

Hi there. My name is Kim. I was a christian scientist from age 6-20. I graduated from principia upper school, and my parents lived and worked on the college campus. I am 28 now. I originally posted in the “recovery and health issues” section. I was just wondering if there was a space on this forum for non-christian individuals that are recovering from christian Science. Are there any agnostic/atheists that post here? I feel uneasy about sharing my experience on a christian forum. It makes me uneasy to think that anyone is praying for me, or hoping that I become ‘saved’. I guess I was just hoping that there was a progressive, non-faith based forum for discussing christian science and its negative ramifications. I am certainly able to appreciate the perspective of a Christian. It’s just that right now I am in such upheaval that I have no energy to spend on processing other religions and their ideology.
I found myself getting so fired up when I read that somebody thought homosexuality was a sin, or when individuals speak of being ‘saved’. Although I think the discussions that could follow my response could be interesting, right now I am more concerned with finding a safe space to process my upbringing and its effects.
Does anyone know of any other forums?
In no way am I trying to offend anyone! I just want to find a place that is right for me. I am finally getting therapy for my panic/anxiety disorder. I trace this back to the brainwashing of christian science. I never know what is real and what is not. I have meltdowns when exposed to anything evil. I have a very limited ability to conceptualize inherent evil without freaking out. Whenever I feel sick I get so scared and guilt ridden. My work is to be able to understand that good and evil can co-exist, and to be able to stop assigning personal responsibility to suffering.
Additionally, I was wondering what is being done to protect children from CS. I would like to become involved in that type of work. I know first hand that CS parents think that they are doing what is best for their child. However, I truly believe that it is a criminal act to raise a child in CS. These parents need to be not only be educated about the health risks but about the psychological implications. I have heard that the numbers are declining. Does anyone know at what rate?
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this, and hopefully answering my questions.
-Kim

Hello from Arizona; I'm new to the forum

Isabel — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 08:36:34 GMT

My grandmother was a practitioner; my parents were both CS church members. Eventually my mother became a practitioner. I have 2 sisters who left the church, as I did, when we left home. We had a younger sister who died, but nobody would tell me when or how. My grandmother died in a CS facility, but I never knew the cause of her death. My father died at home of heart failure at 47 with no medical intervention. Mother remarried many years later to another Christian Scientist. They were married only a few short years when he was told he had a heart condition and needed surgery. He refused medical help, went into a CS facility, where he passed on.

My mother had a series of strokes and had to go to a CS facility. As the daughter living near her, she asked me to promise not to allow any medical help for her. I promised. She had another stroke that dimished her ability to swallow. During subsequent visits to the facility, I literally watched her body wither away until she was a tiny shadow of her former self. Her death certificate says she died of "malnutrition".

Was my mother selfish to let herself die? From a daughter's perspective? Yes! She robbed me of the love and companionship between a mother and daughter. As a mature woman, I found I appreciated my mother so much more than as a child, and wanted to share time with her, however she's gone. From her perspective, I have no doubt she absolutely believed she was doing the right thing. I have to respect that, and that's why I stood firm in my promise to her.

We attended sunday school until we were old enough to go upstairs to the adult church services. As a young adult, I tried to reason through a lot of the church's teachings as they pertained to the present day. I struggled to understand why I should subject myself to some of the medical problems I faced and not get the medical help I needed. I finally realized I couldn't straddle the line...I was either a Christian Scientist or I wasn't. I left the church. I got medical help. I am living a healthy and fulfilling life.

I have never shared my story with anyone; I didn't think they'd understand. Now that I've read through so much on this site, I know you all do understand.

Growing up under the shadow of Christian Science

in the light — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 03:59:48 GMT

I hesitated before writing this, but have come to a point in my life where I desperately need to share my story-
to beheard, to be understood, to know that I am not alone in my journey.

I am not and have never been a Christian Scientist, but have lived most of my life under its shadow, something I have only just discovered.

My grandmother was a devout Christian Scientist, described by my father as "fanatical about religion". He rejected all forms of religion because of it, left home at age 15 and had very little contact with his family thereafter. However, I have only recently realized that although he may have rejected the "God concept" involved with Christian Science, many of the other core beliefs within the cult persisted in my own family life. We were brought up believing that we were the "perfect family", and everything we did or said had to fit with this so called perfect image. In particular, any form of sickness or weakness was considered a failure. We were taken to doctors, but I always remember a sense of guilt and failure about being sick, and fear of being punished. "Mind over matter" was an important concept for us. I remember at school being guilty and frightened because of "failing" a hearing test and the school nurse writing home suggesting I be checked out by the doctor - then guilty because I had to go to the doctor and had an untreated ear infection. On a school camp I developed gastroenteritis and I was terrified of telling my parents, especially as a doctor had been called in to treat me. As an early teenager my unconscious belief in the power of the mind to overcome sickness was so great that I actually walked around for 3 weeks with a ruptured appendix and peritonitis - my life was saved (apparently within hours of dying) by a skilled surgeon when I was near collapse. Then when I was 17 my father developed cancer. My parents sat the children around the kitchen table and told us thaat he had teminal cancer and that we had to go away and forget about it and never ever talk about it to anyone. The sense of guilt and failure was enormous.

I have spent years struggling with these things, and especially with a phobic fear that God would punish me if I showed any signs of sin/weakness/failure. This irrational fear persisted long after I became a Christian as an adult and was baptised. I have battled and battled with it for years, and have never understood where it came from.

Over recent months I have again been crying out to God for healing from my "God phobia". I know about things like forgiveness intellectually, and have accepted Christ into my life. But there are parts of me (the weaker, vulnerable bits) that I have completely rejected and tried to hide away from God because of fear that He would reject me if He knew about them. Going to counselling has been good to explore some of this- and I have been encouraged to accept and listen to my feelings of fear and anxiety rather than fight them.

In doing this a few days ago a bombshell hit! Actually, I think it is really the power of the Holy Spirit working in my life. I felt a prompting that the key to my fears may lie in Christian Science. Up until then I had no idea what these people believed, just that they were some kind of fringe cult that my father had rejected, and that my grandmother had not believed in medical care.

I looked up a few sites on the Internet - and it was like all my childhood beliefs being replayed - about being perfect, denying and rejecting anything which gave an impression of being negative or weak, illness as weak and a failure, and something which should be overcome by the power of the mind, guilt about being sick and visiting doctors.

What a revelation! I always thought that I was the only person who had had these experiences. What a relief to finally know where it all came from! To be able to bring this into the light, to have knowledge and understanding about it - for me is to break its power, and goes a long way towards real healing - deep inner healing which is from the true God, rather than from the power of the mind and a false image of God.

Around the same time I also had a beautiful spiritual experience, in which I felt immersed in love - and had the certainty that "nothing could separate me from the love of God in Christ" - that God, through Christ accepted me WITH all my weakness and frailty - no need to run away and hide. I must have heard this intellectually a thousand times - but it has now moved from my head to my heart. After so many years I have been able to stop battling my fear, have been able to name, acknowledge and understand it - the relief is immense.

Does any of this make sense? I would love to know if others have had similar experiences.

In the light.

A new story and many thanks

Theodora — Sat, 05 Aug 2006 03:58:45 GMT

Hello,

A couple of weeks ago, while desperately looking for something (anything) that would make me feel less like I was going insane, I found this discussion list. I joined last week, and it has taken me a week to work up the courage to post. First of all, I should say thanks. Many of the postings on the site have helped me to recognize that I am not the only one.

I left Christian Science about five years ago. I was fourth generation on my mother’s side, and was raised in it from birth. About seven years ago, I developed serious asthma. For about a year, I prayed and prayed. I did everything to know that I was God’s perfect child, and that it wasn’t real. I talked to a practioner. I used to lie in the bath for hours - one of the only places my breathing could get even a little relief - reading Sentinels, trying to find that key point. I never found it. My poor husband finally begged me to go to the doctor. I cried all the way there. I cried when she gave me the prescription for an inhaler. I cried at the pharmacy. I cried the first time I used it. And, when I realized that I could breathe for the first time in a year, I stopped crying.

Once I was able to cope, I tried to return to Science. But I always felt like a failure. I knew that I hadn’t been able to help myself and, that if I couldn’t pass that test, I probably wouldn’t be able to pass later ones. But mixed in with this was a huge curiosity about whether I was the only one. I started to read and read and read. The most important book for me was Barbara Wilson’s Blue Windows, since it was the first inkling I had that people felt as conflicted as I did and do. I also found God’s Perfect Child very helpful.

Even though I am happy with the decision to have left, I am still left with so much guilt, anxiety, fear and confusion. It is like the only thing I know for certain is that I wasn’t good enough, and unfortunately that is one of the major things I am dealing with. So, thanks to all of you for your postings – it has made me feel less alone.

Theodora

New to forum but have read many CS posts

GO543RS — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 23:04:35 GMT

Hi: I don't consider myself new to this forum per the info in my title subject. I am new, however because this is my first post. I'll tell more about myself later, but I have just one burning question here. Does Christianway offer any Sunday services or Bible study at other times during the week, either at a particular location or online, webcasts, etc.?
I want to say after reading the many posts of different subjects concerning Christian Science, I find most of them fascinating, and I already feel right at home here. I was born and raised a CS myself.
It will take a lot of time to compose my life stories and experiences of CS, but this post is just to get something started about me. Thank you for reading this and I look forward to your answer(s).

Gordon Searle
In future salutations I will be known as GO543

Child of - An Ex Christian Scientist

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 09:13:14 GMT

My name is Invisible, Heartache and Confusion,

My mother was raised in the Christian Scientist Church. Her father was an Elder, her mother an alcoholic. My mom took care of her family and siblings. Her senior year in high school, she was out with an illness that almost killed her. That's about all I know of the religion.

We were raised Catholic. But my mother seemed obssessed with illnesses, pills and doctors. I am her only daughter and I have tried to take care of her. I have spent days and years with my mom trying to get her "better." She seems to have a lot of mental problems of panic, claustrophobia, depression and others. She always wants me to take her to the Dr. Now that she is older, I can't handle it anymore. I have been with her twice to the hospital detoxing off of pain medication. I found her a good place to live in that has a Nurse. The woman got my mom in good health and finally told me that she thought my mom's problems were emotional.

No one has ever talked about this in my family. We were taught it is only important to honor mom and dad. Children's emotional needs did not matter. I spent my childhood, 'taking care of mom' listening to her complaints, trying to get her to the bathroom when she thought she was going to pass out or throw up (sorry to be so graphic) while others visited or played together. When I realized I was having the same depression and suicidal thoughts as my mom, I have gone in search of a cure. I needed a cure to her pain. I knew if it helped me, it would help her. I am now trying to separate emotionally from my mom and from being her caregiver. I don't think my father and brothers understand what it was like for me. They still talk like I should be taking care of mom - especially now that she's older. We built a place for my parents to live in, but my mom insisted I do her medical care. I told her I wouldn't and she started telling my family that I didn't want to take care of her. I can barely go into a hospital and have a Dr. phobia myself now.

I just wonder if there's anyone who can relate to this strange world I've lived in of having to 'fix' mom, but not knowing how. One time she took aspirin and told me she was choking and I should give her the heimlich maneuver. I have been so afraid for her, now I'm just afraid. Thanks, IHC

hi, i am new

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 23:34:39 GMT

hi i'm new,
i am saved, i am praying for my mom, who has been bound by this religion ever since i was 4 or 5. it is so sad, it is like her mind is taken over by the devil. we argue all the time. i pray and fast, and cry out to God on her behalf. i don't want her soul to be lost. she is older now and has very high blood pressure, she will not do anything about it. if my mom dies without Christ i will lose it for real. i know that i cannot force anyone to be saved but i don't want her to go to hell. there is no escape there. she is so unhappy, i know it is demonic spirits that are around her. but she will not let go of this mess. what can i do?
i suffered a lot as a child, being raised in this lie...when i was 12 i heard about salvation in a baptist church and wanted to go back but my mom got mad at me. i went twice and liked it. so as soon as i turned 18 and got my own car i left the cs church and started going to the baptist church. i didn't get saved until i was 22 but i am grateful that God had mercy on me and gave me a chance to be saved.
i realize that i am very angry with my mom for the things she put me through, i could not see well and she would not get glasses for me, i went through not being able to see well for longer than i could remember until i was 13. when i would ask for glasses she would say 'do you want to depend on materia medica' but she wore glasses. i never went to the doctor from the time i was 5 until i was 14 or 15, when i was 19 i had female problems and it goes on and on. fortunately i had surgery although the cs practitioner my mom took me to told me it was my fault and condemned me. it is so sad.
i actually rebelled against her and her religion and became an RN. i don't work in the hosptial anymore becuase i got burned out. but i know that is why i did it and was a very good nurse. can you imagine? i became a nurse because i was not taken care of as a child. no cold medicine, nothing. i had really bad skin but never saw a dermatologist until i was 19, God blessed me to find a good one and now i have a good clear skin. i know that she will answer to God for what she put me through, i realize that i am still angry. so i have to repent.
but i really want her to be saved. we argue about the Bible all the time, she misquotes it. i tell her to read for herself. she gets quiet, like she is being held hostage.
i hate christian science and all that it stands for. when i was younger i went to her house and tore up a lot of her books in her face, just for revenge. i am sorry for disrespecting her but what else could i do at the time. my left ovary was removed because when i told her as a young teenager that something was wrong she would not pay attention to me. so the cyst became so large they had to remove one ovary. she said it was not her fault. that was so cold to me...that is why hell will be hot but i don't want her to go there.
anyway sorry that this is so long.
blessings to all and i hope that those who don't know God will read the Bible for themselves.
savd4_real

Looking for help, fellowship, encouragement

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 16:24:03 GMT

It was with much interest that I found this site and forum.....and I believe that my discovery is without a doubt a God thing......I'm born again, having received Jesus Christ as my personal savior in 1986.

I am ex-CS, raised in the CS "church" via my mother; Dad was Methodist and took me to church with him sometimes. (For those who have posted in the Prin section, I'm US '69 and College '73.)

My mother is currently in a CS nursing care facility, after suffereing from what we think were a series of ministrokes on the 4th & 5th of July. Of course no diagnosis has been made.

What has been brought to a head over the last few days is my family's recognition that I have been acting in ways that show that I still am under the influence of the CS junk in my way of looking at things. It is hard to explain, other than I realize that I still am stuck with some of the "nothing in this world is real" dogma of the CS teaching. Many things have become clear to me and my family the past couple of days, prompted by my mother's sickness. (yes, she is sick! It's real, and she can't walk!) My daughter found an article on CS and why it is so wrong. This has lead to her and my wife's understanding that my harmful behavior has been a result of my CS background.

I have not "practiced" CS since my early teen years, if I ever really did... But the insidious doctrination of the "nothing material is real" and other ridiculous ideas still are embedded in me. I suppose I outwardly look like the CS is gone, but beneath the surface it's still there. It's down in there and I want it gone!

I want to find a counselor experienced in working with ex-cult members. Any help in that direction would be appreciated. I would like to interact with folks who have dealt (or are dealing) with a cleansing process.

Guess that's enough to start. I've enjoyed reading around the forum. Will continue to do so. (Just registered, so don't have my pw yet for full login)

Thanks for reading this......

stillhurting

Another long journey to sanity

camille — Sun, 04 Jun 2006 19:37:54 GMT

thanks for all the prayers.

Text

new here (sort of)

stsuz — Tue, 30 May 2006 17:17:58 GMT

Hi all -
This is the first time I'm actually posting to this forum - really my first time posting to any forum.
I've been reading some of your discussions for probably the last two to three years and first of all want to thank you all for your honesty and willingness to share your experiences with others.

My short story is that my mom was a strong-willed dedicated CS, and I was the baby of the family, born right around the time she was introduced to CS. As far as I've been able to determine, my brother was not affected by it at all. Another brother and sister were adults before CS came into our lives.
Into my adulthood, I came to know Jesus Christ (about 13 years ago now) and I've been working toward freedom in Christ. The last three years have brought out a lot of deeply ingrained JUNK from CS, a lot of issues that I wasn't able to identify or put into words until I started reading these ChristianWay discussions. So many things I thought were just "normal" or unique to me turned out to be common discussions here! At first, I could only read for about five minutes before I became so full of anxiety and paranoia that I had to log off. Now, I'm finally brave enough to post. I'm beginning to feel that the Lord is urging me to share my past as a part of healing for the future - possibly even to minister to others in spite of the ugliness and shame of my past.

That's the short version.

Again, thank you from the center of my heart for being willing to open up your hearts to others with similar experiences!

love in Christ,

stsuz

when and why we left

Anonymous — Fri, 05 May 2006 19:12:52 GMT

I've read through a lot of the posts and it seems the board is not too active these days. I'd love to hear more about everyone's reasons for leaving CS, their background with CS, and what their current spiritual situation is.

So you know I'm not just probing for personal info, I'll start. Don't feel you have to share what you consider personal. I'm just making conversation and hopefully getting to know some of you.

I was a 4th generation CSist, 2nd generation at Principia, preeschool through Upper School - we practiced radical reliance, so I never was at the Dr., never received shots, etc.

I first began questioning CS docterine, like many on this site, when in a desire to become more spiritual, and a better CSist, I read more than the lesson. I had been introduced to critical thinking at Prin Upper School, and the idea of reading "in context", so I read the verses before and after what was prescribed in the weekly lesson.

By the way, is this a faulty memory, or are they the same lessons year in and year out?

Anyway, so often, the complete chapter directly contradicts what MBE says in her interpretations, so I decided Christianity was contradictory and false. For a few years, I continued in Sunday School, and not using medicine, but I questioned my teachers, and it always annoyed them greatly. What annoyed me was they never had a satisfactory answer, only the "pat" phrases that CSist continue to say.

When I went to college, I turned from CS completely and because I felt I was no longer protected by CS, since I did not believe in it, I ventured to the world of medicine. However, medicine has and never will be a god in my life - I have read some accusations of that sort.

For a long time, I had no god, only myself and what seemed good. (Suffice it to say, mistakes were made)When I met my husband, years later, he took me to church, and after a few months, and many long conversations, and Bible studies, I accepted Christ and began learning all I could about the Bible and doctorine.

At first, I was a live and let live kind of Christian, as far as CS was concerned. I felt I should respect my parents' and former teachers' interpretation of the Bible. Perhaps they were right, perhaps we are. And I felt MBE was sincere, just too influenced by the spirituality of her day, the hypnotists, mesmerists, etc. However, the more of the Bible that I have read, the more I think MBE was really intentionally misleading people and covering up the truths in the Bibile to make her truth appear correct. The best example I can think of was when Jesus healed the 12-year old girl. In CS, we always stopped with Jesus saying she wasn't dead, but only sleeping. I never knew what followed until I read the full story. Jesus knew that she was dead, then healed her.

I also don't recall ever being taught the story of the men that tried to heal, but were stripped and chased away because they didn't have the authority to heal in Jesus' name.

Another real proof to me that the truth is being hidden is the insistance of using King James Version. As a foreign language teacher, I know that the words matter. Translations directly from the original language are much more accurate, but not just words are translated, also culture is translated. King James version obscurs what the Bible says by using an English we don't speak, and because it is a translation of a translation without a lot of regard for culture or context. It was the best they could do in MBE's time, but it's not anymore. The obscurity allows for someone to make a claim that something is being said that isn't and everyone's afraid to disagree because they really don't get what it does say. (I don't want to start a fight over translations, but only a few days ago, I read from the King James version to my mother who I knew was dying. I started with the book of John, hoping she'd soak some of the gospel up - but the language made it absolutely unintelligible. So, I went to Romans, hoping she could accept man's sinful nature, but again, too far removed from the language we speak. My mom slept through it - It was the last Bible reading she heard, if she even heard it.)

Anyway that's my story. And 14 years later, I and my family are Christians, all saved. My husband and I teach Sunday School to youth at our church - the very age that I was when I began to reason through getting out of CS. I participate as a leader in the Awana program, which is a scripture memory program for children, and have been on several mission trips.

Hope to hear from everybody in the coming days/weeks.

hcover

Unsure?

DragonMaim — Mon, 03 Apr 2006 14:04:53 GMT

I wish I could place all the things in my life that have happened on CS. But, alass that is not true. I can say that CS has hit me and my family. I know there is alot in my life that I can think back to and it has roots in CS. So, for other to understand me. I should give some back ground first.

I was born in Ft. Smith, Arkansas in 1975 of Febuary. My mom and father traveled alot and were all over the US. My brother who is a couple of years older then me was born in California. This is unconfirmed, but is what was told to me as a child. My father left my Mother cause I was a boy. He had wanted 2 kids the oldest a boy and the youngest a Girl. So, since i was a boy and my mom would not get rid of me. He left us. My mom moved back to Iowa to raise us near her family. She is a Nurse. She did this for about 3 years. Then the stress of life, the hardship, what ever it was got to her, and shortly after I had turned 4. Me and my brother were sent over to a Neighbors house to play. My mom then decided that she was going to take her life. She locked herself in the bathroom of our apartment and took a bottle of pills. Not sure how or why, but the Cops and Fire engines were called by someone. And my real first memory in life that I will never forget was mine. My brother and me ran home seeing the lights and hearing the sirens. We, got home as the were taking my mother out. Seeing her what seemed to be lifeless body hit me hard. We, were taken as wards of the state.

The years in the foster homes were so bad and tramitizing to me, that I am unable to remember alot about them. I know we ended up in many of them and were kick-out or given up to much. We never got counsuling or help, just used and abused. If I could remember more I would post it. The few things I do remember was being homeless once when one of the families liked my brother but not me. They locked me out of the house and I ran the streets for a month or so.... Not sure on the exact # of days. and that the last home we stayed in for about a year and a half, had 9 kids, and only 1 of them the parents real kid. They were to everyone else the Model Foster Family. Not. The amount of abuse we suffered there was extreme. There was eveykind of abuse going on in that house and more. The parents were not much of parents and more tortures....

My brother and me somehow had got luck and had been for the most part able to stay together in the different foster homes till we got adopted. We also got luck in that one of the families that had wanted to adopt us, wanted us both. We, got adopted by this family only cause of the foster home we were in was so bad. The foster system normally has the possible new parrents and kids meet each other a few times before there is any visits to the new parents home. When we finally got a home visit to there Home for a weekend. We were so happy that the word Happy does little to explain it. The monday we were go back to the foster home. We, hid instead. The social worker and our new parents finally found us and asked why we hid. Of course we told them. This start the adoption, cause the social worker was not going to send us back there and the adoptive parents agreed to take us in. I was about 8 to 9 when this happened.

This new family was great in our eyes. However you would never have known by the way we acted.... neither my brother or me had really learned anything about life, manners, respect, or anything. So, that was rough on our New Parents. We did not exactly behave alot. Our fathers parents were lutherian and our mothers were CS. Well since we lived in the town where my dads parents lived we where attending the lutherian church. However as Time went on. I got worse and mis-behaved more, Don't ask me why- I am not sure to this day even,. This got me put in Cherokee Mental Health for 2 years, and to group homes for years after. About the time I was 10 I was on a visit with my mom's Grandparents. they took me to there CS church. If there is one thing I will always remember. It is how the church helped my Grandfather help me. Out of everyone in my life and all the homes, counsulers, pastors, priests, speakers and doctors. The only person that every showed me anything about life was my Grandfather Dow. He, would sit me down and lucture on and on about things that I did not always at the time understand. But, I listened and litened good. I still remember the morals and values to this day that he would talk about. But, in my eagerness to learn and change to become a better person. I started going to CS church at any chance I could get.

I dont know if it was my past, the way I think, or what. But, I never really bought the CS way. I tried to live it, and tried to follow it for about 6 years. I made some good friends along the way. And watched a few of them pass on. I suffered from it and learn as well. But, about the time I was 18 I suffered something that changed my mind and made CS no longer a part of my life.

I was living in Davenport, Iowa about that time and was attending CS church in a Near by town. I lived in a apartment with my best friend I had meet a few years ago. At this point in my life I was living the CS way of life to my fullest and was trying to be that model citizen. I still had my problems. Some of them were frineds. I sang in a barber shop quartet and at Church too. A good friend would take me to church and to the singing groups. However, My Best friend was not religous and did not always help me. We, had a party/gettogether we had planed on having and had invited friends that we knew. When only one showed up. My Best friend procedded to invite more including ones we did not know. Little did I know, or I would have stopped it, but my best friends killers came. The next morning these killers came back and ask to see my best friend. They wanted him to meet a few girls they knew. I had a girlfriend at the time and they did not invite me.... However, my best friend asked me to come. So we went. Once we were out in the middle of nowhere they pulled a gun on us and drove us to a very secluded spot. They shot & robbed my best friend then me.

After I was recued and treated. Those I thought were friends, those CSers, shut me out for getting treated for the gunshot wound. I try to beleive that there were other reasons. and there might have been. But they shut me out and this sent me into a down-ward spirrial that I did not recover from till I hit bottom. I did a few things then that I am not proud of. OK, more then a few things. And ended up in trouble with the Law. Opps. After serving my time and rehabilitating. I decided that I was going to turn my life around without GOD, help, friends, or anything. Well, that did not go so well. So i started seeking Something. I found someone dear to my heart. My wife/ex-wife/wife/ex-wife again. Yes, don't ask. We have both learned that at the time we meet we were both just looking for someone to hold on to and help us.... (today we are just best-friends and roommates)

My moms parents asked if I wanted to move out to where they were and get away from Iowa, the memories, and pain. So I did. I still tried to find my way and still am to this day. But, in the last 9 years I did find something that has helped me. I am not sure of her Name on this Site. And am not sure she wants me telling her Real name. But, ever since I meet her, she has helped me get closer to God again and to find out who I really am. She No longer Lives in Tucson anymore. And I miss her. Since I have known her she has wanted me to attend Calvary Community Church or at least a chirstian church. I a recent e-mail I recived from her, she gave me a link to this website. So, here I am.

I am unsure, what to do, where to go, or even if I belong here. So, if in any way I out of place or don't belong. Please just let me know.

CS has made my life very hard

norwegiandogmom — Sun, 26 Mar 2006 12:37:10 GMT

Hi, some of you may remember me from quite a long time ago. I live in Indianapolis and was active for a short while in Christian Way (attended the meeting in Cincinnati). My life has been difficult, although good. I attribute a lot of the difficult parts to my Christian Science upbringing. Although I really left Christian Science while attending Principia College, I still went on to work at a Christian Science camp, Adventure Unlimited. I also had Class Instruction and worked at the Mother Church one summer. The hold that CS memories have on me are very strong. There is so much guilt associated with them. And since CS denies the obvious material facts we see dailywith our own two eyes, I have found myself struggling with some of the concepts to this day (and it's been 25 years since I became a Christian!)

Right now both my mother and stepfather are in a Christian Science nursing facility, if you want to call it that, in Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. I have just found out from my stepsister that they are not doing well. But, of course, details as to what is really happening are sketchy. They are both well into their 80s so I doubt if they would do well whether they were in the CS home or hospital: their bodies are just worn out. But the physical healing part of Christian Science has never been my main concern -- it's been the mysterious mind games that this religion plays with its adherents.

I have sought counseling off and on for the past 25 years, mostly to get a realistic picture of who I am. Since I heard I was "perfect" so often as a child, and, of course, knew I wasn't, I still feel skeptical when someone pays me a big compliment. Is it true? Are they fooling me in some way? Why are they saying this? The "optimism" of Christian Science makes me sick! My ex-husband used to think he could reason with my parents. For example, he pointed out to my stepfather that the large red toe (and attendant pain, I assume) that he was experiencing was due to gout and eating less of certain foods might help the situation. As all of you ex-CSers can imagine, that comment was certainly not met with gratitude. In fact, knowing my stepfather, he may have eaten even more of the rhubarb and strawberries that exacerbated the condition.

The couple of posts I read on this forum about suicide were interesting, although sad of course, to me. I can definitely see why Christian Scientists do commit suicide. I felt like it at one point in my life as well. It has such a super-demanding standard for one's mind. No one can live up to it! And certainly no one can perform the healings that are supposed to be so easy.

Well, that's enough about me. I came here because I am happy to read of others' experiences. All of the books written by ex-CSers are so helpful to me in killing some of the demons of CS in my thought. I am very happy the church is losing membership and failing. I don't want any more people to be brought up as I was.

CS in-laws, cancer and trying to understand...

Sherry — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 11:22:40 GMT

Hi. I am an outsider born-again Christian in-law to a tight-knit family of CSers. I love them all dearly and pray for their salvation frequently.

My husband and 1 of his 4 siblings have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. One is searching for the truth and the other 2 are loyal to their father...one saying to me, "I would never betray my father by leaving CS."

As I write, I do not intend to offend anyone, I am just trying my best to understand my fil, specifically, and to learn how best to be who God wants me to be, what my role is, in this whole experience.

Knowing Christ as my Savior for 21 years, (I am 36), I find it so hard to understand anything about this religion. I once tried to read the Key to the Scriptures hoping to understand it so that I could better share the truth with my fil, but I could not understand ONE sentence. (My husband told his brother last night that he thanks the Lord almost daily that CS makes no sense to him as well.) I am thrilled with this website and its basic breakdown of the differences between what the Holy Scripture teaches and how Mary Baker Eddy rewrote God's Word to us and how profoundly different the two are. Maybe, all I need to know is explained here. This site as been a HUGE blessing to dh as he didn't know enough CS to undertand it, much less articulate the differences.

So much of our family's life has challenged my in-laws. Our firstborn son, who died this past July at age 11, was profoundly brain-damaged at birth. My in-laws came to see him soon after birth and my fil, surrounded by 5 other dying newborns in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit at the hospital and looked as if he wanted to disappear into the wall he was so uncomfortable. It took almost 5 years for him to even engage in any medically related conversation about our son with us. (That was all there was to talk about at the time...physical and mental progress.) He was a very lovely, yet medically complex child. My fil changed the subject EVERYTIME we started to talk about how our son was doing.

Amazingly, there was this slow change in my fil. He would listen and respond a bit re our son. Then one night he SHOCKED me by calling me to tell me that there was a program on regarding children like our son. I should turn it on. It was about helping them to learn to walk. My fil not only acknowledged his grandson's challenges, but was suggesting an actual therapy for him! Then came my fil going to the eye doctor to get glasses. Then getting yearly physicals. Then within the last year, saying he wished his younger son would just get his shoulder fixed so that he could go enjoy playing recreational baseball!

Then, suddenly, our son passed away this July. My husband and I wanted everyone to know that we love Jesus, would praise him in any circumstance, were rejoicing in our son having won his race now looking into the face of Jesus, AND that everyone attending the funeral needed to know Jesus in a personal and saving way. We sang praise and worship, my husband gave the eulogy, we released 150 balloons and invited everyone out to our getaway farm for fellowship time. We had a bonfire, people fished, rode our tractor and ate great food. We talked, laughed and cried. Our boy was in heaven with his Savior...what a joy amidst the sadness of never touching him again this side of heaven!

Anyway, dks are requiring attention. I haven't even figured out what I am hoping being on this forum will do for me other than encourage me in being who Christ wants me to be for my family...as they truly are my family as well.

Thanks for reading! Blessings,

You know...

Terrapin — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 12:28:43 GMT

I'm new

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Nov 2005 11:46:50 GMT

Hi there... I was just searching the internet for answers and came to this site... I'm not sure if you people can help me or not. Things for me have been very confusing latey. I am a biology major at University, and for me science and being a christian and now in conflict. for the 1st time in my life I have real doubts about my faith, is the bible true, or are the books I am reading true...I cannot find God in any part of biology. I am not totally sure what is means CHRISTIAN SCIENCE but I thought that if anyone might have some answers a group bearing these 2 words together might be of some help.

Thanks