Linda — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 20:37:35 GMT

I understand your frustration, rubyndora. I also had dear friends that I didn't want to lose but could no longer feel close to. My close CS friends were understanding when I left CS, but less understanding when I tried to show them the doctrinal problems I had found.

A major problem with leaving CS is that, not only do your religious views change, but the foundation for your identity and world view also change since you no longer believe that the material world is an illusion. The core bond you had with your friends just doesn't exist anymore. I'm not saying that you can't be friends, but I am saying that you probably won't be as close as you were before, because what is most important to your friends simply isn't important to you anymore.

I have remained casual friends with a few Prin friends, but the ones I feel most comfortable with are the ones who have also left CS.

I suggest asking your friends permission to share what's bothering you about CS. Let them know that you respect their right to disagree with the information but that you would very much like to share it with them. Let them know that it's legitimate for you to "agree to disagree," but that your sharing the information is from friendship and not from a desire to attack. "Have your say," and then let it go for the most part. I suspect that, over time, you will decide that you would rather be casual friends than close friends. And perhaps they will feel comfortable coming to you if, in the future, they start questioning their beliefs.

Hope that helps.

Advice on friendships

rubyndora — Wed, 09 Nov 2005 13:44:34 GMT

Hi everyone,

I haven’t posted in a while but I noticed that the postings here have picked up (even without Nyoka to provoke people!) and I am hoping I can get some advice from those of you who have probably been in my shoes.

I’ve been out of CS for a couple of years. I left right after graduating from Principia College. Reading the Bible alone and attending a supportive, Bible-based church has changed my life. I am so grateful that God has opened my eyes and allowed me to see true Christ and true Christianity. God is so merciful and wonderful!

My problem is that I have a group of wonderful friends from college, and we’ve kept in close touch. In this group, I am utterly alone in regards to my beliefs. They are all what I’d call “super-Scientists” – going through class, dedicated to reading their CS lessons, etc. They are good people and I admire their dedication, even though I can’t understand why they so blindly follow CS the way they do. Lately, though, some of their CS comments have prompted me to speak out against CS. It’s just so frustrating to listen to it all the time. But they regard my comments as “hateful” and they’ve expressed frustration that I can’t seem to respect their beliefs.

I think they must be telling themselves that I don’t really understand CS and that must have been the real reason I left. A couple of them have told me I need to be more open-minded, and they’d be happy to answer any questions I have about CS as long as I respect their beliefs.

Respect their beliefs? Good Lord! I can’t help but think, “Been there, done that – no thank you.” They can believe the earth is flat and while I would respect their right to believe it, I’m not going to respect that particular belief! I have much more respect for other world religions (Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, etc) than I do for Christian Science, because at least they’re not hypocritical. My biggest beef with CS is that it claims to be something it’s not. These friends insist that their beliefs are grounded in the Bible, but if they’d only READ THE BIBLE, they’d see otherwise.

I’m just so frustrated and confused right now. There is absolutely no way I can respect their beliefs and no way I can promise them that I’m going to keep my mouth shut. I hate to see five friendships go down the drain this way, but I’m starting to think that’s going to happen. I have spent some time searching for answers in the Bible and I am still uncertain of what’s the right thing to do. I mean, I want to be there for them, in the hope that if any of them do decide to question CS, I might be of some help. On the other hand, I see how in the book of Acts, the apostles didn’t ever push it too much. They’d go to a place, say what they had to say about Christ, but if the people didn’t want to listen they left. Also, Jesus said he didn’t necessarily come to bring everyone together, but that mother would be turned against daughter and father against son, etc. And somewhere else in the Bible it says we shouldn’t be unequally yoked, which I take to mean in marriage, but does that also mean you should abandon friendships in a case like this? That’s not a pretty picture.

I would really love to hear from some of you who have been in my shoes. Is it worth trying to salvage these long-distance friendships if I have to promise to try and hold my tongue when it comes to my opinions on CS? I mean, I love my friends dearly, but we’re all scattered across the country and our “friendships” are all based on something in the past. It’s not like we get to interact every day, except via the internet. Maybe I should just allow the distance to grow, keep them in my prayers, and move on.

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Advice on friendships