The Christian Way Forums / The Christian Way Forums / On the Lighter Side

Christian Science Jokes

Anonymous — Tue, 16 Dec 2003 23:55:43 GMT

The First Reader in a Christian Science church was talking to a member of his church: "And how is your husband today?" "I'm afraid he's very ill." "No, no," corrected the First Reader, "You really shouldn't say that - you should say that he's under the impression that he's very ill ." The woman nods in agreement, "Yes, I'll remember next time." A few weeks later the First Reader saw the woman again. "And how is your husband at the moment?" "Well", she replied, "he's under the impression that he's dead!"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services, but misdials and gets through to a Christian Science Practitioner.

He gasps: “My friend is dead! What should I do?” The practitioner says: “Calm down, I can help. First, there is no way he can be dead. Go check again - you will see that he isn’t dead.”

There is a silence, then a loud gun-shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says: “Yeah, I checked - and I’ve made sure -- he is dead. Now -- you said you could help. What do I have to do now?”

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed

Do_Go_Be_Man — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 19:24:19 GMT

Accepting the hazard of reigniting discussion on evolution, I'd like to recommend a movie I just saw - [url=http://www.expelledthemovie.com/]Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed[/url].

While I'm not as set in my ways regarding evolution as you may expect, I was fascinated by the presentation of the consequences in the "scientific" community of pursuing any data that does not support Darwinism. My recommendation has more to do with the stifling of science than the merits of evolution vs. intelligent design vs. creationism vs. etc.

The movie reminded me of times as a CSist when I posed difficult questions in the belief that query itself is healthy not evil and serves as the basis of science, Christian or otherwise. Questions appropriately addressed should serve to strengthen faith not demonstrate a lack of faith. In teaching, I often say that the only stupid question is the unasked question. You never know what you may learn trying to understand something you don't understand.

If faith in MBE, Joseph Smith, Charles Darwin, John Calvin, Martin Luther, Jesus Christ, or God is so weak as to be incapable of honest exploration perhaps that is reason enough to rely upon works or deny faith. Having explored the worldviews of each of them and many others, I am comfortable where I stand.

Should anyone choose to contribute to this discussion, may I respectfully suggest addressing the suppression and repression of scientific or theological inquiry rather than amoebas to monkeys to man, which we have beaten to death in other threads? I don't mean to sound immediately hypocritical, however, those other threads would be the more appropriate venue for such discussions.

Do Go Be Man
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Happy Thanksgiving 2007

Do_Go_Be_Man — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 12:12:34 GMT

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

I pray that we are all tomorrow in church wherever that may be and giving Thanks to God for His abundant Blessings.

Do Go Be Man
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Jokes (continued)

Anonymous — Fri, 12 Mar 2004 10:53:59 GMT

Just to get off subject for a moment, I was reading back at some of the old threads and found one on jokes. They are all cute and got a chuckle from me. I heard one yesterday about the mormons and thought, even though it's not CS in nature, it's cute anyways (I think). . . . . and not too offensive (I hope) . . .

Three men were sitting on the curb chatting lightheardly. Someone came along and stood beside them observing them. He noted: One was munching on an apple, one was sipping a Tab (soda). The third was just staring dully off into space. Unfortunately, he looked to be somewhat retarded.

The man observing them said "Who are you guys, anyways? I've never seen you here before."

The apple muncher smiled and said "We're the moron-tab-and-apple choir!" (Mormon Tabernacle Choir). . . . . Well, I thought it was cute and might bring a smile. . . . . Grace

Gratitude

JeanW — Fri, 19 Nov 2004 06:54:08 GMT

One of the best things that growing up in a Christian Science home did for me was to set the focus on gratitude. From the chapter on prayer, through Wednesday evening meetings, on to the special service on Thanksgiving Day, there was a focus on being grateful to God. However much we may disagree with other aspects of CS theology or practice, I think every Christian can unite in recognizing the importance of gratitude to God.

I began a tradition when I was relatively young, I think around 20, when I had my first apartment. This tradition was to write a Thanksgiving letter to someone, and it varied from year to year, pouring out my gratitude. It was kind of like an "on paper" version of a Thanksgiving testimony, but not quite, because my audience wasn't always a Christian Scientist! And the advantage of that was that I wasn't bound to be grateful only for spiritual gifts, but for the simple things I saw, heard, felt, tasted or smelled! Those liars, the physical senses... and yet, so much joy (as well as pain) comes through them!

Of course in those pen and paper days, my letter went out to usually just one person. If I wrote more than one, each would be unique. Sometimes it would be a grandmother or other family member. In the years before we married, it was the man who eventually became my husband. After we moved away, it was a friend back in the old town, or my mom, or one of my sisters. The important thing was to write it.

With the advent of technology to support it, and forums like these, this kind of expression of gratitude can go out to larger groups. This year, I'm posting it here, because finding this forum is among the things I'm especially grateful for this year. I have come to think of you as fellow travellers and friends.

I am grateful for life... to be alive and to breathe the air. I am grateful for the ability to smell... to experience the changes in season with this added dimension, the woodsmoke of Winter, the ozone before the Spring rain, the warm decay of Summer grass cuttings, the dry leaf scent of Autumn, signalling harvest and this season of Thanksgiving approaching.

I am grateful to have meaningful work to do. Looking back at the idealism of my youth, I'm sure I don't measure up to the "change the world" vision I had at 20. Now that I have matured and come to feel keenly the shortness of one's stay on this planet, I pray that enough of what I do is helpful to others and does make the world better in some small way.

I am grateful for the trials in my life, and for God's hand in bringing me through to the other side. A friend wrote me a question the other week about whether one felt closer to God in good times or in bad. And you know, I have to honestly say that some of the times I have felt closest to Him were times when I was at the figurative "end of my rope". As the Bible promises in Psalm 139 (esp. verse 8), there is nowhere I can go, physically or mentally where He cannot reach me. The old addage about "man's extremity is God's opportunity" has been true in my life. Not that I am ungrateful for the good times, nor that I don't feel close to God then, but when things are going well, it's easy to give lip service to God's hand in things while internally taking credit for having done something myself.

I am blown away by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross, accepting this "fate" to save others, sinners, such as me, that all fall short of perfection. If any of us were in His shoes, could we have done it? Would we have? Obviously, we aren't God incarnate, and I'm grateful that isn't my role. I pray that I can and will fulfil whatever role He gives me, in His service.

We don't have control over when or to whom we are born. We don't have perfect judgement in our choices in life. We all make mistakes, sometimes we make intentional ones, mostly we make ignorant ones. Because of this, I am grateful for the gift of learning, and teaching, and for the blessing of forgiveness!

Thanks be to God, thanks to all here, and I invite others to share their own gratitude in this thread, perhaps focussed on a point in the road from where you were to where you are, that shows Jesus' tender care in leading you onward!

- Jean W.

All Because of Moxie

frogs25 — Fri, 16 Sep 2005 04:30:54 GMT

Have no idea how this came up, but my fiance and I were talking about the good ole days of ME and NH, cause thats where we're from, and the subject of Moxie came up. He was explaining that Moxie was first developed as a sugar placebo, and used for medicine purposes. We checked out the below website and learned about it's brief history.

As we were learning this I was recalling vague memories from my CS sunday school classes where we would have disscussions about the man who had had entered a bed that was supposedly previously been occupied by a sick man. Well as we all know, the new man that entered that bed had the belief that because of the newfound knowledge about the sick man, he was to get sick to and die also. It's all about the strength of the belief.

Well I am also recalling discussions of some story about someone who had taken two different kind of pills. One was the actual medicine and the other was some sort of sugar tablet. when that person had taken the sugar tablet, for whatever reason, it made him feel better.

So following these vague memories, I have creatively tied it into Moxie, a popular soda drink back in the 1880's.

I think perhaps MBE enjoyed Moxie until it became defined as medicine placebo drug.
Then it was quits!

Moxie®, you either love it or hate it. Made since 1884 and still a popular Maine drink. This soda was once believed to have medicinal properties.Maine Goodies

Anyways, thought you all might enjoy this little tadpole!

Frogs25

unrelated to CS-but want to share

frogs25 — Mon, 23 Jan 2006 21:33:16 GMT

Hi Everyone,

I am so excited to share with you all my first and brand new website-just finished this weekend! I know it may not be proper for me to post such extra stuff on here, but I feel like you all are my extended family, and wanted to show you the pet portrait artwork that I do. 4pawsportraits

FYI when you visit you get to see a picture of me on the home page.

Enjoy!

toodles
Frogs25