 Posted Tuesday, September 24, 2002 5:30 AM
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Do Go Be Man,
I just wanted to tell you that I am thinking about you and you are in my prayers. The little bit about CS that I knew didn't sound all that bad, love, spritual perfection ect. But now that I fully understand the nitty gritty of it all, it's quite distrubing. I think that if your Sunday school class truely has faith in God and Jesus that they will take your presentation as facts not an advertisement to go become CS. If anything it should make them sit back in shock (as I have been) upon learning what CS is truely about. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Shark
PS I learned something interesting the other night. MBE died a millionaire from spreading her teachings,Jesus died poor from spreading God's word. Made me think
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Posted Tuesday, September 24, 2002 6:22 PM
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<< PS I learned something interesting the other night. MBE died a millionaire from spreading her teachings,Jesus died poor from spreading God's word. Made me think >>
What an eye-opener...excellent, excellent observation. I have to say that it seems like the Lord is growing you very quickly, maybe He is about to move some mountains for you.
Do Go Be Man-
I will be praying for you. I think my biggest concern is that so many "mainstreamers" make fun of CS. A guy at church made some cracks Saturday night and I just said hey not funny....people have died over it. I hope that you encounter none of that. All wise cracks help to do is to serve Satan in keeping CS people in bondage to him. It doesn't approach others with love and compassion. To make fun of their beliefs makes them cling tighter to them.
I have missed all of you. I know the last time I was on here I was cutting the grass and would be right back! The lawn mower didn't eat me. We found out shortly thereafter that we are moving to Alaska. Please keep my mom in your prayers she is so sad. I'll keep y'all updated.
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Posted Tuesday, September 24, 2002 11:25 PM
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Renee:
Your mom will be in my prayers! I know she will miss you terribly.
That's what we moms do!
I hope you can get an internet connection in Alaska. That way
we can still keep in touch with you and you can tell us all about
your new adventure.
May God be with you on your journey.
In Christ,
Louise
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Posted Wednesday, September 25, 2002 8:03 AM
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| My husband has already checked into high speed connections....so yes we can. I think it will be quite the adventure. We should have a big reunion there...just in time for the Iditarod!! How fun would that be?
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Posted Wednesday, September 25, 2002 8:53 AM
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If you don't mind me asking, where in Alaska are you moving? Our Assistant Pastor just took a call to Fairbanks. It's not there, by any chance?
John
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Posted Sunday, September 29, 2002 12:48 PM
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Thank you all for your prayers for and contributions to my Sunday School class. By all accounts, it went very well and was well received.
The class leader interviewed me and left time for questions from the rest of the class. We got some very good questions that were all deeper than "what would you do if you broke your leg?" We went over the allotted time due to the interest expressed.
It was quite a catharsis for me as it was the first time other than this forum I have ever publicly discussed CS from a Christian perspective or admitted to a Christian group that I am a former CS.
I shared several stories of my experience including the one about my friend shouting at his carsick son not to throw up because it was just Mortal Mind speaking to him. We had questions about the CS concepts of the Trinity, MBE, CS Monitor, Spirit vs. Matter, and Jesus. One person commented on the similarity of CS to Taoism.
Do Go Be Man
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Posted Sunday, September 29, 2002 1:55 PM
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Do Go Be Man:
Thank you for your bravery in taking on this task. I am happy
that it was so well received and people asked questions.
It is interesting that the person mentioned Taoism. The writings
in S&H are similar to many Eastern Philosophies.
How did you feel afterwards? I imagine it was very rewarding.
In Christ,
Louise
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Posted Sunday, September 29, 2002 7:19 PM
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Louise,
I felt great afterwards. The rewards were immediate and continuing. One simple example was being able to educate the class that there is a difference between CS and Scientology. It does bug me a bit to think that people believe I was part of L. Ron's thing.
One class member struggles with his father being a JW and he appeared to draw some insight from my CS experiences. Several class members thanked me privately mentioning specfic concerns they had. One approached me at church tonight who said his father feels he has a calling to witness to cult members and wanted advice on what to tell his father. In all cases I felt the thanks were sincere and heartfelt. The "thank you for your testimony" impromptu receiving lines following Wednesday evening CS testimony meetings usually seemed empty to me.
I was asked during the class if I felt compassion from my fellow church members during my CS years. I replied that you have to feel someone needs compassion before you can feel it and offer it.
Something happened this morning after the second morning service that I heard more about tonight (I attend first service and Sunday School during second service). When getting up to leave, a member of the congregation twisted and dislocated his knee. Immediately two members who are nurses went to his aid. Other members stepped in to take care of his 18-month old son and wife and others began praying in a group. An ambulance was called. The man and his wife went to the hospital leaving their son with a member of my Sunday School class who brought him to a luncheon for some of us sort of new folks. The Senior Pastor went to the hospital after preaching for a Chinese congregation that meets at our church. He couldn't find the man with the dislocated knee because he was already home and resting comfortably.
I felt more compassion and caring today than I recall from my more than 25 years in CS.
Do Go Be Man
P.S. Showing this message to my wife before sending it resulted in her developing a new insight on my mother's problems. My mother is still in CS and I would describe her as manic-depressive. My wife pointed out that she is likely starving for compassion. When someone is starving, they aren't too careful about their table manners if they find an all-you-can-eat 24-hour buffet.
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Posted Monday, September 30, 2002 10:35 AM
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It's in Anchorage, John.
Do Go Be Man,
Praise God!!! I am so glad that things went so well. I know that all of you have basically heard my mom's testimony, and for whatever reason I really felt led to share mine today.
My mom's dad died when I was 7. I remember being completely devestated because my grandmother did not heal him. He died following surgery for an aneurysm. I am sure that is why she never "prayed" for him. I was really angry with her and blamed her for a very long time. I should add here that I was also being sexually abused by my homosexual cousin. He to this day lives as a women, in spite of the fact that he lived with my grandmother for years. She never could heal him of that "affliction".
Flash forward to high school where again I was raped by a boyfriend. He was also violent and liked to push me around. Needless to say, mom and dad were almost at a loss regarding what to do. They were finally able to get me away from him after I ran away from home with him.
Shortly thereafter we moved back to Houston. This was home and I really expected to pick up where I left off with all my friends. Unfortunately they had moved on with their lives and basically snubbed me at every turn. The crowd that accepted me was into drugs and drinking which didn't bother me in the least because there was no sin, right? That gave me license to do what ever I wanted. I smoked and drank anything that didn't try to smoke and drink me first. I can remember being high as a kite and explaning to them the basics of CS. They all loved the idea that there was no sin, no heaven, no hell. I always wonder how many I led astray. I can only hope they were too high to remember!
Off to college. Way more disasterous than HS ever hoped to be. I hooked up with a crazy roommate that claimed to be a born-again Christian. But she was just as crazy and out of control as I was. She made me pray a prayer of salvation though. And just in case she was right, I did. We managed to get ourselves in quite a bit of trouble. I dated a guy that was abusive, again and he cheated on me with anything in a skirt. I was also really begining to battle anorexia nervosa. I was rail thin and still living it up. I mostly just drank and never ate. My boyfriend decided to join the fraternity that I was a little sister for. His "big brother" was a friend of both of ours. He needed a ride home one night and I stopped by the apartment to get a sweater. He followed me in where I was raped again. Things kind of began to spiral out of control a bit from that moment on. My weight dropped to around 78lbs. Standing in the shower one day I noticed that I could see the outline of my organs through my skin. It was time to go home.
Shortly after out-patient treatment (I was ready to get well and didn't require hospitalization) I met my first husband. He was the same type of "winner" that I seemed to attract like flies to a rotting corpse. I am really struggling gettting this next part out. But I believe that God wants us to be transparent to others seeking Him for their lives. After my ex and I had been dating 4 months I discovered that I was pregnant. Here I made the worse decision I have ever made. It is one of the only things I would go back and do over. I had an abortion. I remember knowing instantly that it was wrong. This was no clump of cells that God didn't even know about. This was just wrong. I carried that guilt until I thought the pain of it would kill me. I married my ex because I saw that as my punishment for killing my child. He demanded an abortion and I let him. So, I married him. After only 5 months of marriage he began dating other women. Enough, I decided. I may not be worth much, but there were worse things than being alone.
This brought about a huge change. I began to seek only God's will for my life. I did not know Christ, but I sought only God's direction. Mom taught me that. Never to desire anything but His will. I met my husband Mike shortly after my divorce was final. We had a whirlwind romance and married only 3 months after we met. There was a big difference though. He was kind and funny and we both felt that God brought us together. In spite of the fact that I had a lot going against me we were able to get pregnant immediately. We had our first daughter 9 months almost to the day from when we married. I was thrilled and also terrified. I had never been so happy and I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It always did. 18 months later we had another baby girl.
That same crazy college roommate and I stayed friends all those years. One night we were having a heated discussion on Jesus. I really thought that He was my Savior, but I still believed that everyone was going to heaven. I reasoned that just as there were many ways to downtown Houston, there were many ways to heaven. Do not ask me why that even remotely made sense to me, but at the time it did. I was challenged to prove her wrong. I decided that I would read the entire NT. Proving that I was right and she was wrong. Well, as you can imagine, when I closed that sucker up I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we needed to get our tails to church-fast. So, I did the next Sunday. I should add here that my husband was an Episcopalian. I had contacted one near us over a year before all of this. The priest there literally brought me the little newsletter every month for a year.
I walked into the doors of that church and knew for the first time ever that I was home. The next Wednesday I had to put my beloved cat to sleep. He had injection- induced fibro sarcoma, a hideous cancer. As much as I didn't want to, I had to let go. My CS grandmother told me that if I would just read the chapter on prayer in the S&H he would be healed. I knew that he would have to. That's why I never did. I knew that Satan would have used it, and as much as I loved that cat, my soul wasn't worth it. One week after I put Crash down I found out that my oldest daughter was being sexually abused by my mother-in-law. The shoe fell loudly.
I was hanging on to my faith with all of my might. I refused to let go. The Episcopals have an awesome ministry called Discovery Weekend. I ran to it and came back completely changed. There was a part where we were kneeling before the cross, at the altar. There I laid down the entire burden of my sin. My baby that I killed, I gave to Christ. I always believed that it was a boy. I was afraid of having a boy because of that. While I will live the rest of my life with that child close, close to my heart, I know that I am forgiven. I stood up from that altar free.
Mom and my sister noticed the change in me immediately. My sister was pretty unhappy about it though. She would call and ask me questions about how I got off thinking that there was a hell. I would just calmly read the Bible to her and she would hang up on me. I was fairly amused with her. She started picking it up on her own and the next thing I knew she in church beside me. Mom started shortly thereafter. We had a long phone conversation and she was changed after that too.
This is how merciful God is. One year later 5 months pregnant, I had to stand before the "pilgrims" at Discovery Weekend and give this same testimony. I remember saying to a friend that I felt like a hypocrite being pregnant and telling of my abortion. She pointed out that it just proves how loving and merciful He is. Four months later I gave birth to our son. Words cannot express what even now what I feel. I am so humbled by His love.
My daughter is doing wonderful. She has fully healed from her experience and we keep an eye out for any future problems. We had her in counseling for years. Our marriage took some pretty big knocks over this whole thing, but we just keep our eyes on the cross. My husband has a very rich walk with the Lord as do I. His parents have never found Christ. Mike has certainly tried and God has too. Their hearts are very hard towards Him. Our children are not allowed to see them. They have four grandchildren they have never laid eyes on. Mike's younger brother also does not see them. Pray for them whenever you can.
I am not sure why I felt the need to do this today. Part of me wants to hit the delete button very badly. But I will be obedient to His promptings.
In Christ,
renee
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Posted Monday, September 30, 2002 6:36 PM
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Renee,
Yikes -- you've been through a lot! It's amazing what roads people travel and how we end up at the foot of the cross. I thank you for sharing, and I praise God for the spiritual and emotional healing he has brought to you and your family!
AJ
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