 Posted Thursday, August 10, 2006 9:13 AM
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My name is Invisible, Heartache and Confusion,
My mother was raised in the Christian Scientist Church. Her father was an Elder, her mother an alcoholic. My mom took care of her family and siblings. Her senior year in high school, she was out with an illness that almost killed her. That's about all I know of the religion.
We were raised Catholic. But my mother seemed obssessed with illnesses, pills and doctors. I am her only daughter and I have tried to take care of her. I have spent days and years with my mom trying to get her "better." She seems to have a lot of mental problems of panic, claustrophobia, depression and others. She always wants me to take her to the Dr. Now that she is older, I can't handle it anymore. I have been with her twice to the hospital detoxing off of pain medication. I found her a good place to live in that has a Nurse. The woman got my mom in good health and finally told me that she thought my mom's problems were emotional.
No one has ever talked about this in my family. We were taught it is only important to honor mom and dad. Children's emotional needs did not matter. I spent my childhood, 'taking care of mom' listening to her complaints, trying to get her to the bathroom when she thought she was going to pass out or throw up (sorry to be so graphic) while others visited or played together. When I realized I was having the same depression and suicidal thoughts as my mom, I have gone in search of a cure. I needed a cure to her pain. I knew if it helped me, it would help her. I am now trying to separate emotionally from my mom and from being her caregiver. I don't think my father and brothers understand what it was like for me. They still talk like I should be taking care of mom - especially now that she's older. We built a place for my parents to live in, but my mom insisted I do her medical care. I told her I wouldn't and she started telling my family that I didn't want to take care of her. I can barely go into a hospital and have a Dr. phobia myself now.
I just wonder if there's anyone who can relate to this strange world I've lived in of having to 'fix' mom, but not knowing how. One time she took aspirin and told me she was choking and I should give her the heimlich maneuver. I have been so afraid for her, now I'm just afraid. Thanks, IHC
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Posted Thursday, August 10, 2006 2:30 PM
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<< My name is Invisible, Heartache and Confusion,
My mother was raised in the Christian Scientist Church. Her father was an Elder, her mother an alcoholic. My mom took care of her family and siblings. Her senior year in high school, she was out with an illness that almost killed her. That's about all I know of the religion.
We were raised Catholic. But my mother seemed obssessed with illnesses, pills and doctors. I am her only daughter and I have tried to take care of her. I have spent days and years with my mom trying to get her "better." She seems to have a lot of mental problems of panic, claustrophobia, depression and others. She always wants me to take her to the Dr. Now that she is older, I can't handle it anymore. I have been with her twice to the hospital detoxing off of pain medication. I found her a good place to live in that has a Nurse. The woman got my mom in good health and finally told me that she thought my mom's problems were emotional.
No one has ever talked about this in my family. We were taught it is only important to honor mom and dad. Children's emotional needs did not matter. I spent my childhood, 'taking care of mom' listening to her complaints, trying to get her to the bathroom when she thought she was going to pass out or throw up (sorry to be so graphic) while others visited or played together. When I realized I was having the same depression and suicidal thoughts as my mom, I have gone in search of a cure. I needed a cure to her pain. I knew if it helped me, it would help her. I am now trying to separate emotionally from my mom and from being her caregiver. I don't think my father and brothers understand what it was like for me. They still talk like I should be taking care of mom - especially now that she's older. We built a place for my parents to live in, but my mom insisted I do her medical care. I told her I wouldn't and she started telling my family that I didn't want to take care of her. I can barely go into a hospital and have a Dr. phobia myself now.
I just wonder if there's anyone who can relate to this strange world I've lived in of having to 'fix' mom, but not knowing how. One time she took aspirin and told me she was choking and I should give her the heimlich maneuver. I have been so afraid for her, now I'm just afraid. Thanks, IHC >>
Dear Invisible,
You are suffering from the impact of a dysfunctional family system. I suggest attending Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings. It helps to see that you are not alone in your struggle. And the awareness of how the family system operates can help you make better choices for yourself. I also hope you would get therapy for yourself. I feel for you. I had an alcoholic father and cs mother. It is very difficult emotionally.
Camille
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Posted Thursday, August 10, 2006 6:29 PM
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Dear IHC,
My heart really goes out to you -- you're in a tough spot. I read post earlier today but didn't have time to anwer. Like Camille, I thought of Adult Children of Alcoholics when I read your post. I haven't attended any myself but have heard good things about them. I think you would also benefit from counseling, as many of us here have. It's very helpful to have someone to help you walk through the process you're going through.
A CS upbringing often leaves a person with unhealthy attitudes regaring medicine. Perhaps that has contributed to your mother's obsession with illness.
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Posted Thursday, August 10, 2006 8:23 PM
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IHC,
I attended Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings and got great benefit from them. You can check them out at http://www.adultchildren.org/.
Do Go Be Man
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Posted Friday, August 11, 2006 10:08 AM
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Dear IHC,
Great you've found this place! Though your problems seem to be more based in the dysfunctional family system than in CS, many CS family homes are dysfunctional to some extent so that members will understand you, and in my instance - I've found CS when I was 27 and left it approx 12 - 15 years later (leaving it was a lengthy process for me) - I come from a dysfunctional family and CS came in handy as it helped me "unsee" the problems from my childhood that needed to be dealt with urgently - or in other words extend the time I was struggling with the aftereffects until I had left CS eventually.
Please do get some help, and whatever relatives try to impose on you, do what YOU feel is right, even if that means that's something in opposition to everyone else's ideas. Dysfunctional family systems can be very complex and each family member contributes some part to maintain it and the moment you stop joining in maintaining it, the whole dysfunctional system becomes shaky = has the chance of finally breaking up and get healed.
If there's anything I can do for you, any questions etc. you're most welcome to ask me. I'll be away travelling the next week and the week after that will not be at a PC often, but from September I'll be back as normal.
God bless you!
Marion
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Posted Friday, August 11, 2006 6:23 PM
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Thank you Camille, Linda and Do_Go_Be_Man,
for taking the time to write and encourage me. I will consider your idea about an ACOA group. I am currently in counseling and go to Celebrate Recovery. There is just something I am not able to process and I wondered if it was something from CS even though my mom did not specifically talk about it. I suffer from PTSD and have things I am too afraid to write about here so I would love to talk to someone via e-mail.
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Posted Friday, August 11, 2006 6:24 PM
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| Thank you for offering to help me Marion. I really appreciate it! I don't know how to contact you and I understand that you will be busy anyway for a few weeks.
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Posted Friday, August 11, 2006 9:47 PM
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IHC,
I would be happy to e-mail with you. Feel free to drop me a note using the forum contact address contact@christianway.org (I'll be forwarded the message since I'm a forum moderator). Then I'll write you back and we can start a converstation.
Linda
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Posted Saturday, August 12, 2006 4:54 AM
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Hi IHC and Linda,
No problem to contact me if there's a need - Linda, it's ok to give out my private e-mail if IHC wishes to have it - if you let me know by Sunday night, I'll check my e-mail during holidays, probably not more than every second day or so though, and from 22nd August I will be back, just not with the usual amount of time for another two weeks.
Marion
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Posted Tuesday, November 17, 2009 4:39 PM
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Sorry to read your sad story. It does sound like your mother's issues were mental health based. By the way, there are not "elders" in the Church of Christ, Scientist.
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