 Posted Sunday, October 15, 2006 2:21 PM
|
|
|
|
Hi
Id like to introduce myself to the forum. I'm from the UK. Grew up with my mother and grandmother, my mother was a committed CS my grandmother was not and was very suspicious of it all. My mother died after a very long wasting illness ending in pnuemonia, when I was 18; shortly before this my grandmother died in hospital from Alzheimers.
Like many people Ive been reading about recently right up until the end my mother was always convinced a healing was just around the corner and alternated between resenting herself that she wasnt cured and resenting me that I wasnt using my 'abilities' to cure her.
I'm 31 now and am only just coming to a realisation about the harm this religion has done to me psychologically and that I am nowhere near being over it. I had a sort of epiphany when I was 17 and realised that it was all bunkum, that was a great relief at the time and I thought Id just be able to walk away from it all, but you cant, not when its been ingrained for so many years since birth.
Christian Science was a sick animal here even when my mother was alive. The Church we used to attend was populated largely by very elderly frail ladies. We started going to another one in a bigger town that was populated by slightly younger less frail, elderly ladies. I would be very surprised if either churches are still around now so its not like Ive got this big target to get angry at now.
I've realised that I still feel guilty when I get sick or things arent going right. I had so many years of growing up believing that I was totally in charge of these things its difficult to deprogram it. I also think I blame other people for their weakness without realising it. Im trying to change but theres a lot of yarn to unravel in that particular ball of thread. Mostly I feel angry at my mother for inflicting it on me, and herself. I keep thinking how could such an intelligent woman have believed such hogwash.
I think of when I'd seen through it and the stand up rows we had at the end as I tried to get her to see a doctor that only made her last few months miserable and I resent myself for it.
I should mention that I'm not a Christian, nor is there any likelihood of me becoming one. Its just not for me, though I respect everyones right to practise their own religions.
Thanks for reading.
|
|
|
Posted Monday, October 16, 2006 9:36 AM
|
|
|
|
Glad you've joined us, Outertrial.
You are not alone in your struggles with CS baggage. It can be difficult recognizing and dealing with deep-seated emotions and thinking patterns that we formed as CS children. I had to work long and hard with that. The good news is that it IS possible to find wholeness and freedom -- and the freedom is well worth the effort invested.
I understand your regret over getting medical help for your mother when it was too late to do anything but prolong her pain. It must have been very difficult watching your mother go through her long decline, and I'm sure you did the best you could with the resources you had at the time. I hope that, in time, you will give yourself a break on that one.
I hope we can be an encouragement to you.
Linda
|
|
|
Posted Tuesday, October 31, 2006 4:37 PM
|
|
|
|
Outertrial, welcome! You've certainly come to the right place. I haven't been in this forum very long, however as a former CS student, I've found it very helpful.
You talked about unraveling that ball of yarn...good for you...keep unraveling it; you'll get to the end piece. When you do, it will be very rewarding!
You wonder why your intelligent mother would believe in such hogwash. Well said...I've often wondered about my mom too. Her mother was a CS practitioner, so I'm sure that, although mom was a college graduate and extremely intelligent, this was part of her life since the beginning. She felt very strongly until the horrid end to her death in a CS facility by her own choice. I respected her for her decision to die for her belief in no medical intervention, as well as I respect myself, and you, for leaving the CS religion.
I hope your anger will subside, that you will go forward and find peace and joy in your life.
I'm sure I speak for a lot of people on this forum when I say please keep posting. I've found it invaluable in my life to be in this forum; you may too.
Isabel
|
|
|
Posted Tuesday, October 31, 2006 9:59 PM
|
|
|
|
So glad that you're here and we hope that we can help you through the difficulties of this! It truly sounds like you've been through it in CS! Go ahead and feel free to keep releasing your feelings about it and hopefully you can one of these days let go of the anger and other difficulties you're facing as a result of CS.
----------------------------------------------------------------
"Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another."--Romans 12:4-5 (HCSB)
|
|
|
Posted Tuesday, April 15, 2008 7:55 PM
|
|
|
|
| It's all bunkum--no doubt about it. Finally, someone with a similar stance on religion. There is some atheist website out of Minneapolis, MN that you might peruse. Or get ahold of Kathy at EXCS-UK. I left the church in 1974, back when it was considerably more crowded. I left two wide black tracks all of the way out of the parking lot and down the street behind me. That was also the same day that I experienced my first "healing" from the use of an over-the-counter medication. Excedrin cured my hangover. It made me realize at the tender age of 17, just how much suffering that my folks had put me through in the name of their religion. How many times had I been forced to suffer through some ailment with no medical care that was easily curable with a few bucks worth of an over-the-counter medication (here in the US)? How many times were you forced to suffer needlessly for your folk's religious beliefs? Your experience is not unique. Many of their churches are struggling financially these days. Remember the Shaker religion? Their members didn't believe in having sex, and as a result, there are no more Shakers these days. It is sort of that way with CS churches when all that is left are the older ladies. My mom's church in Pasadena, CA is a grand old edifice that seats nearly 2,000 people. It has 100 members, and 70% are elderly. I wonder how many members they will have left in 20 years time? I wonder what each member's share of just the light bill is? Not to mention maintainance of an 80 year-old stone building with a huge dome and pipe organ? How much longer can they hold-on? Someone could start a reality-show about what is left of CS churches. I am age 50. I am saddened to find-out that someone nearly a generation my junior has been put through much of the same suffering that I was. I am happy that you are now on the outside looking-in, and are starting to work through your CS issues. I hope that someday you are able to put the past into perspective and move on, free of the "ties that bind" from your past. Someday soon instead of someday. Mark
|
|
|
|