 Posted Thursday, January 15, 2009 1:48 AM
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| I found this site while doing some reading about CS. My sister in law has been diagnosed with ovarian cancer which has now spread to other organs. She was married to my brother who died in a car accident 7 yrs ago. My brother was not a CS but my sister in law was raised and still follows the teachings. Anyway, others in our family could see that she was losing weight and looking a bit sickly. We saw her occasionally at family weddings and baby showers. She would not talk about it when asked. Now that the cancer has spread, she called from the hospital to say she was sick and hospice has been visiting her. I guess she had surgery a yr ago to remove her ovaries but that the cancer had already spread. She wouldn't allow any treatment such as chemo but is now on morphine for the pain. Since I know nothing about CS other than what I have read, it seems she must have been busy praying away her symptoms and when they got so bad she finally went to see a doctor. Once she was told she had terminal cancer she kept it a secret because ??? ( don't know) Does she feel responsible for her cancer? Ashamed? How is she dealing with taking morphine when she would never even take an aspirin for a headache? I just don't understand. I am afraid to say anything because I don't understand. She says she is not afraid to die. Can anyone help me understand the CS way of thinking in regards to her dire situation?
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Posted Thursday, January 15, 2009 8:46 AM
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| Pooh Bear, So sorry to hear about your brother and now what has happened to your sister-in-law. it seems she must have been busy praying away her symptoms and when they got so bad she finally went to see a doctor. We see this over and over. A Christian Scientist tries to "the belief" in cancer through CS treatment, but it spreads anyway and she ends up seeking medical treatment after the cancer has spread too far to be successfully treated. Once she was told she had terminal cancer she kept it a secret because ??? ( don't know) Does she feel responsible for her cancer? Ashamed? Christian Scientists believe that talking about a problem gives it reality and makess the "false belief" of its existence more difficult to refute. That's why they tend to downplay their problems and often don't ask about each other's problems. For example, if you're CS and I see you are sniffing and ask, "Do you have a cold?" I have just made a false statement that might make it more difficult for you to heal your cold. So I keep my mouth shut and just "clear my thought" about the belief that colds are real. Your sister-in-law probably feels a sense of failure for not being able to heal her "belief" in cancer. She may also feel guilt and failure for seeking medical attention, and may even feel like she is giving CS a bad name in front of the doctors, etc. Undoubtely, many of her CS friends will conclude that she "just couldn't handle" the problem and that her death is the result of her failure to correctly understand and apply the principles of Christian Science. How is she dealing with taking morphine when she would never even take an aspirin for a headache? I just don't understand. Mary Baker Eddy took morphine upon occasion because she suffered terrible bouts of pain (I think she had kidney stones). She did allow for pain killers if a CSist is in so much pain that he can't think straight enough to give himself a CS treatment. Here's the quote: "If from an injury or from any cause, a Christian Scientist were seized with pain so violent that he could not treat himself mentally,--and the Scientists had failed to relieve him,--the sufferer could call a surgeon, who would give him a hypodermic injection, then, when the belief of pain was lulled, he could handle his own case mentally. Thus it is that we "prove all things; [and] hold fast that which is good." (Science and Health p. 464:13)
She says she is not afraid to die. She's not afraid to die because she thinks she will just go on to another state of consciousness. I am afraid to say anything because I don't understand. What she probably needs is for you to just love her. Let her know you care, find ways to show kindness (bring her treats if she's able to have outside food, make sure her pillows are comfortable, etc.). Let her know that what she's going through does not make her a failure. Give her opportunity to talk about how she really feels -- really listen to her. If the opportunity naturally arises, talk about death and your beliefs about it (don't shy away from the subject). If you're a Christian and she is willing to hear what you believe, let her know what the Bible says about death and salvation and how salvation is freely given and does not have to be "earned" through works or "understanding." CS says she will have to "work out her own salvation" through finally overcoming the belief in all materiality; the Jesus Christ of the Bible offers salvation through HIS finished work on the cross. Don't force this discussion, but don't shy away from it if she's willing to talk. As her death comes closer she might really want to think through the subject and may want to hear a message of hope. Allow your sister-in-law to feel safe expressing (and feeling) real, human emotions around you. That will be a gift, as she has probably been suppressing a lot of real human feelings as she has tried to heal her cancer.
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Posted Thursday, January 15, 2009 9:00 AM
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Pooh Bear, I'm glad you found the site. I hope some of the regulars here can help you understand the situation a little bit better.
It is so sad. I feel encouraged, though, that you say she called from the hospital, and that she is getting hospice care. If she had chosen to go to a Christian Science care facility, she would not be allowed to have the pain medication while in residence. This way, she can remain as comfortable as is possible. I have visited people in a hospice facility, and the love and caring given there is simply amazing.
She probably didn't tell anyone because Christian Scientists tend to try to heal themselves ("work out the problem") in private so that the concerns and what they consider to be false beliefs of others don't interfere with the healing work. In other words, if you had known and expressed fear or shock, it would have made it harder for her to remain calm and deny the problem. If people around you see something as real, according to CS think, you will have a harder time tuning that out and holding to your belief that it is all unreal and you can demonstrate that through bodily healing.
Sadly, they are often also not in communication with each other, either. It is not uncommon for someone to completely disappear from church attendance and no one responds at all. It is all 'private'. So, if I were you, I would call her and email her and send her cards often telling her that you care.
She probably does have guilt, but she is not likely to express it. She may also have some regret that she didn't seek medical help sooner.
I'll pray that you and your family will find just the right way to reach her and help her feel loved.
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Posted Thursday, January 15, 2009 12:27 PM
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| Thank you Linda and Dawn, You have cleared many things up for me. Normally, if someone had a dx of cancer, the family would want to do everything in their power to help and support/love that person, just like we have wanted to do for my sister in law. Now that she has told us, she is overwhelmed by all the love that we are showing her. (That is a no brainer) She never had a pap smear or an exam. I can understand now why she pretty much went into hiding for a year. I hope she is not beating herself up mentally for being a failure or a sinner on the CS practice. She is such a wonderful person. She has said that hospice and it's people make her very comfortable. I guess now she has fluid in her belly that needs to be withdrawn every few days and she has a port. She also has to take morphine daily. They never had children, maybe because they were still so young when my brother passed away. She has never dated after his passing either. I have so much love in my heart for her that I keep in close contact and send her my love in many ways. It just bothers me that she allowed the cancer to go to stage 4 and that maybe she is full of negative feelings about herself. Does she believe she will go to heaven or does she think she is a failure and that death will be scarey? Pooh Bear
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Posted Thursday, January 15, 2009 1:23 PM
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Pooh Bear,
Does she believe she will go to heaven or does she think she is a failure and that death will be scarey?
Christian Science doesn't present heaven as a place, but rather a state of being, often associated with harmony. In Christian Science teachings, there is no reality to hell, sin, or death. What an individual Christian Scientist actually believes depends upon many things, just as it does for those who profess any belief.
Mary Baker Eddy wrote in Science & Health (292:1-32):
The suppositions that sin is pardoned while unforsaken, that happiness can be genuine in the midst of sin, that the so-called death of the body frees from sin, and that God's pardon is aught but the destruction of sin,--these are grave mistakes. We know that all will be changed "in the twinkling of an eye," when the last trump shall sound; but this last call of wisdom cannot come till mortals have already yielded to each lesser call in the growth of Christian character. Mortals need not fancy that belief in the experience of death will awaken them to glorified being.
Universal salvation rests on progression and probation, and is unattainable without them. Heaven is not a locality, but a divine state of Mind in which all the manifestations of Mind are harmonious and immortal, because sin is not there and man is found having no righteousness of his own, but in possession of "the mind of the Lord," as the Scripture says.
"In the place where the tree falleth, there it shall be." So we read in Ecclesiastes. This text has been transformed into the popular proverb, "As the tree falls, so it must lie." As man falleth asleep, so shall he awake. As death findeth mortal man, so shall he be after death, until probation and growth shall effect the needed change. Mind never becomes dust. No resurrection from the grave awaits Mind or Life, for the grave has no power over either.
No final judgment awaits mortals, for the judgment day of wisdom comes hourly and continually, even the judgment by which mortal man is divested of all material error. As for spiritual error there is none.
Hope this gives you some sense of what your sister-in-law may be feeling.
Do Go Be Man
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Posted Friday, January 16, 2009 9:50 AM
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| I don't understand what Mary Eddie Baker's message means. Would you please put it into words that are easier to understand? I may visit a Christian Science Reading Room for more answers as well. Thank You
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Posted Friday, January 16, 2009 5:22 PM
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Pooh Bear,
I don't understand what Mary Eddie Baker's message means. Would you please put it into words that are easier to understand?
What a great summary of the teachings of Christian Science!
My apologies for dropping in such a large passage from Science & Health (the Christian Science textbook written by Mary Baker Eddy). As a former Christian Scientist, it still makes enough sense to me that I sometimes fail to recall how nonsensical it can be.
The essence of Christian Science is the nonreality of the material world including sin, disease, and death. Christian Scientists believe that the illusion of the material world is error, that somehow the evil of matter was never created. Genesis 1:31 says, "God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good." Genesis 2:6 says (King James Version), "there went up a mist from the earth, and watered the whole face of the ground."
Mrs. Eddy asserts that God only made good, as evidenced in Genesis 1:31. Yet somehow, a mist or a fog somehow rose up and obscured our vision of God's true, purely good creation. Through some mental gymnastics, she teaches there are two stories of creation. The first which is predominantly represented in Genesis 1 is the spiritual, the real, creation. The second, false creation begins with the mist blurring the vision of as yet uncreated man.
By explaining away the nothingness of evil, Mrs. Eddy builds the groundwork for the perfection of God's children. Sickness and death are mere manifestations of sin that can be destroyed by "knowing the truth". Christian Science treatment consists of mentally understanding that anything apart from the perfection of God's first purely good creation has no reality and thus no power.
Yes, I believed, practised, and taught that for more than 30 years. It was not until I came to understand that all of the Bible is God's word that I began to be released from the dream. God uses everything in my experience to my good, even that which appears evil. Thus, I no longer have to depend upon the denial of sin, sickness, and death to realize that God loves me and has a plan for my life.
Do Go Be Man
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