 Posted Wednesday, February 18, 2009 4:10 AM
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| Dear Seeker and Anonymous, Thank you both for those insights, they have really helped me understand the last 10 years of school experience. Ann, your explanation is very concise and ties in with a lot. It is an attitude which made me feel wrong footed all the time, was I making a fuss, was it acceptable in a school for a child to be treated this way. i would come out feeling that I was in some way at fault, when someone just sits there and denies the problem! It was difficult to know what to do as the first child that went to the school was my eldest child and I had no benchmark to measure it by. I shall be using some of your suggestions next time I have to "go in" !!!!!!!
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Posted Wednesday, February 18, 2009 10:14 AM
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Your comments about feeling like YOU were at fault is very insightful. That is what happens with the attitude that most CS's have, and it's ultimately why I left the church. It ends up being a "blame the victim" mindset that I just couldn't handle any more. After having been raised by a 4-generation CS family, I found it to be quite a revelation that you could catch a cold without spending hours poring over the Science & Health and feeling guilty that you "let it into your thought"! And that Dristan works! And the cold goes away by itself!
Ann
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Posted Saturday, February 21, 2009 10:22 AM
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I really feel for you. I always wondered why I had to stop going to Principia after 1st grade... Mom said my brothers didn't like it. Later as a mom, I found out what they (probably) had, through diagnosis of my son. I wonder if it's anything similar to your situation. THey don't have the benefit of sound psychological techniques to help these kids. That also means that some of them may not know the difference between psychological abuse and what's really good for the kids. Sounds like the bag-dumper was one of those. Even the better CS ones have to "rediscover the wheel" when it comes to what works with kids and what doesn't. They may be working with old notions. Some even have the inner battles of personality conflicts with certain kids- and the various difficulties from that kind of thing. They're still human, and they're only able to be more loving as they conquer their flaws and personal instincts or upbringing.
All that said, you're probably better off finding a good school for your kids in another faith. The kids will adapt. YOu'll have questions to answer. WE raised ours in public school, but encountered an abusive teacher there, when my son undermined her authority repetitively. She tore up his artwork, crumpled up his homework, and so on... and taunted the kids by eating chocolate in front of them all day long. We started homeschooling him after we realized they were locked in a power battle, and one of them was going to be destroyed emotionally if it continued. Some fun. You aren't supposed to homeschool the oppositional types! Well, that's an education! and Eventually we got him placed in a spot just made for Asperger kids with troubles like his. Between all of us, he's closer to normal than lots of people.
Whatever you do for your kids, make sure you approve of the way they're getting treated. If you're not getting anywhere with the powers that be, shift gears, and get them somewhere where the authority is GOOD, not just wearing the mask of goodness.
I hope that helps. Do what you can to help him find a place where he's happier. It's vital. You'd do it for a college student. This is the development years. Who knows, he might become warmer, happier, and more well-rounded. I mean, you want your kids to be able access ALL their emotions, don't you? A CS school IS NOT the place for that. Their creativity and self-esteem may well be developed better elsewhere.
I ran into the kind of denial you speak of, when I worked at a small CS nursing facility... On the one hand they said they wanted to know what was in need of improvement; and then on the other hand, if you spoke up (and we all did), you got labeled as a troublemaker or inadequate at CS practice in our own troubles. Nothing got done. If they truly wanted to be better, they would have tried humility, and taken suggestions to heart. Unfortunately, pride is more common in CS than true humility. There are those who are truly humble though. That takes alertness, and self-examination. Not everyone encounters that "training." Also I figure it takes a certain amount of arrogance to tell the rest of the clergy of the world that they're wrong. Pride figures into that a lot. Again, a major roadblock to improvement or change. Just a thought.
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Posted Monday, April 04, 2011 4:45 AM
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My teens are in a Christian troubled teens boarding schools but I haven't had the same experience as yours. Hope everything will be fine. Staff at a Christian boarding school are Christians and thus share and support the ethos and principles on which the school is based. Each member of staff supports one another and thus the welfare of all students is underpinned by a group of professionals all believing and promoting the benefits of a Christian education and lifestyle.
boarding schools
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Posted Monday, April 04, 2011 10:10 AM
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haileymarie (4/4/2011)
My teens are in a Christian troubled teens boarding schools but I haven't had the same experience as yours. Hope everything will be fine. Staff at a Christian boarding school are Christians and thus share and support the ethos and principles on which the school is based. Each member of staff supports one another and thus the welfare of all students is underpinned by a group of professionals all believing and promoting the benefits of a Christian education and lifestyle.
You say a Christian school, but is it a Christian Science school? If a Christian school, still I think it's wise to be involved in your child's education to make sure things are being done the way you believe they should (I believe this is wise when dealing with ANY school), but you probably won't be dealing with the particular denial behaviors that come with a Christian Science administration and faculty.
Ann
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