I am a "New Creation" in Christ, and am so grateful that I have been redeemed and cleansed by Jesus.  I can't imagine my life without Him. 

However, I grew up in a CS home.  I was the 4th generation.  Both my sister and I left the CS church as soon as possible after leaving home for college.  My parents, aunt, cousins, grandmother, and great-grandmother are all class-taught Christian Scientists and active with the church.  I do not understand it.  And I feel so muzzled in my convictions.  My story is very similar to so many here who were children of CS.  I never went to a doctor.  I never took any medicine of any sort.  I hated being sick, because that meant that I would have to stay at home and "know the truth."  School was a much better option.  I always remember being embarrased of CS.  I hated when people asked me what my religion was, because I could never really explain what I believed.  Generally, I just said that I was a christian--without having any idea what that meant.  It was just easier.  (I understand now--I became a Christian at 30--God has a good sense of humor!)

I think that the major reason that I never embraced CS was that my mother had a tumor on her leg.  It was there for as long as I could remember.  It was very large--probably the size of a cantelope.  I always wondered if she would die from it.  I remember having a nightmare every night for several months when I was about 7 years old that she died.  And I remember being in trouble for waking my parents up every night. 

I always wondered why she wasn't healed of that.  And I know that she always wondered the same thing.  I believe that she thought she was to blame for her tumor.  She was not a good enough Christian Scientist.  And it ruined her self-esteem, which made her very prone to lashing out at everyone.  You never knew what might set her off (which is never good as a child).  Consequently, I never, even today, bring up sensitive subjects.  I find myself completely unable to speak.  A few years ago, she had the tumors removed (she developed more on her hands and face).  But neither she nor my dad ever mentioned that she was going to have the surgery, and they have never, never talked about it.  My sister was the first to see her after the surgery (they live across the country from me) and she said that my dad completely shut her questions down.  He just said that they had decided to have it done, and would not speak any more of it.  I have never had a conversation about it.  She had that tumor for approx. 25 years.

I remember testing, in my own way, my parents' convictions of CS when I was in high school.  I purposely hurt myself (hitting my wrist with a hammer, and saying I fell off a swing, cutting myself, overdosing on tylenol that I purchased at a convenience store) to see (I believe) whether they would take any notice.  They did--sort of.  But it was always addressed through CS.  Then I developed bulimia.  They knew, but couldn't deal with it.  Until finally my father wrote me in college asking me to not talk to mom about it, but to write him privately if I needed help at his work address.  I told him not to worry, but was so sad that he knew my mother could not handle the idea that there was something wrong with her "Perfect Little Child."  I was not free then, but am today, through God's true healing grace.

I don't understand how my family could still, to this day, be so devoted to CS.  They know that I am a Christian, but we never talk of it.  We have a mutual "no church" policy when we visit each other.  I know that this is not right--I need to speak the REAL truth to them.  But I feel that it would be words pushed towards deaf ears.  I can't see a way for them to escape.  It would truly be God's miracle.  I am so sad, because my mother still suffers from serious health issues.  And total denial that anything is wrong. So I still watch her suffer in silence...on both our parts.

I apologize for the length, and appreciate so much this forum.  If anyone has been successful in reaching parents who have been in CS all their lives, I would appreciate your guidance. 

Thanks for sharing your story with us.

I'm sure there are many here who can relate to your experiences. I have not had the challenge of reaching parents who have been in CS all their lives, but I can offer you this observation:  You have been blessed in your journey out of CS; -by grace you have been saved.  And the same is true for your parents. 
It can be hard for committed Christian Scientist to accept that grace.  But it is not impossible. Remember, "with God, all things are possible."  There are many here who were dedicated Christian Scientists, -class taught, 3rd and 4th generation believers, but grace has saved us all by ways and means none could have foreseen. 
Though they don't want to discuss it now, your parents have seen the truth.  Your mother was compelled to use temporary medical means because CS could not cure her.  It's is not because she wasn't a good enough Christian Scientist.  No, CS was not good enough to cure her.  In the end, CS was not even good enough to cure Mary Baker Eddy.
Just love your parents; let your light shine, and they will respond to your love.  God will take care of the rest of the story. 

I am glad you are starting to post, I too have been reading this site for many years, but rarely post. One of the things I find so amazing is how our stories are so similar yet most of us felt so very alone until we found this site.

One of my fathers legs was inches shorter than the other and he walked with a very distinctive limp. Kids at school used to ask me what was wrong, and I didn't know what to say, because it was one of those big family secrets that was NEVER talked about. I did ask my mother a few times over the years and she would tell me nothing was wrong, he was perfect. I didn't find out until I was in my preteens. He had fallen off a horse when he was a child and broke his hip.

I remember one day I was walking down the hall way of our home and when I passed the guest bedroom, I heard moans coming from there, I was sure it was a ghost. I ran to find my mother and she hushed me and told me not to dare go in there and that it was my older brother. No other explanation was given. He was already grown and not living at our home any more. WHAT??? I must have not even been in school at that time because I remember trying to get in that room and hanging out in the hall way all day. I was  5 or 6. When my other brother got home from school he told me my brother had been in a motorcycle accident the night before and my parents had picked him up from the hospital. He must have gotten better and left and I never was allowed to see him. One day he was moaning in a dark bedroom, the next day or so he was gone, never to be spoken of again.

Another big white elephant in our family was a sister who died when she was about 16 years old. to this day I know very little details about her life much less her death. My father did tell me she got sick, possibly the flu and died having never seen a doctor. The story from my sibling is that she was profoundly handicap and better off any way. As if being handicap made her even less worthy of medical care. 

It is so validating to be able to talk about these experience and have some one understand, I can talk to my husband and he is very kind but unless you have been through it, no one can really understand.

Thanks again for sharing.

Dear Lurker,

I cannot get my CS relatives to discuss the pros, cons and failures of CS.  It hurts not to be able to tell them what it was like growing-up CS.  But they are so entrenched, it's like brainwashing.  I can only survive by doing the Serenity Prayer.  

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

You will go crazy trying to change things you cannot change.  Let it go.  That's the only peace of mind you can have.