 Posted Tuesday, December 16, 2003 11:55 PM
|
|
|
|
The First Reader in a Christian Science church was talking to a member of his church: "And how is your husband today?" "I'm afraid he's very ill." "No, no," corrected the First Reader, "You really shouldn't say that - you should say that he's under the impression that he's very ill ." The woman nods in agreement, "Yes, I'll remember next time." A few weeks later the First Reader saw the woman again. "And how is your husband at the moment?" "Well", she replied, "he's under the impression that he's dead!"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services, but misdials and gets through to a Christian Science Practitioner.
He gasps: “My friend is dead! What should I do?” The practitioner says: “Calm down, I can help. First, there is no way he can be dead. Go check again - you will see that he isn’t dead.”
There is a silence, then a loud gun-shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says: “Yeah, I checked - and I’ve made sure -- he is dead. Now -- you said you could help. What do I have to do now?”
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 1:31 AM
|
|
|
|
| Are these suposed to be funny?
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 8:02 AM
|
|
|
|
Anonymous,
Where is your sense of fumour?
Jan
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 8:36 AM
|
|
|
|
One of the best CS jokes I recall was a lecturer who stated, "CSists are the only people who are ashamed to die." I wish I could remember some of the CS jokes we used to tell on ourselves. I recall during an Annual Meeting seeing a sign hanging on a non-working pay phone in the lobby of the TMC Administration Building that read, "Seemingly Out of Order." When we used public halls for events, we used to hang a set of CS books next to the first aid kit back stage.
The second joke didn't make much sense to me as told, but I recognize it. It's a retelling of a joke that researchers claimed last year to be the world's funniest joke. The hunter with the cell phone tells a 911 operator that he thinks his friend is dead. The hunter is told that he first needs to make sure his friend is dead. The operator hears two shots then the hunter comes back and asks, "Okay, what next?"
Do Go Be Man
<><
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 8:56 AM
|
|
|
|
In my church (which doesn't happen to be CS), we enjoy jokes that make light fun of our quirks.
A lady I know told me a good story that she said was true. Whether or not it's true, it would make a good CS joke. Here it is:
Two guys were hired to do some maintenance on the organ in a CS church. One of them became ill, and his partner rushed to inform the church clerk that his friend needed help. "My friend is sick!" he told the woman. The CS woman confidently responded, "your friend is not sick, he only SEEMS to be sick. Now go back to work." The man dutifully returned to his work, but was back with the clerk a few minutes later. He looked at her and said, "My friend SEEMS to have just thrown up all over your floor!"
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 9:14 PM
|
|
|
|
I'll go out on a limb, and confess authorship of this one:
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: NONE! You see, God is Light, and God is All. Since all is Light, we conclude that there is no such thing as "darkness," and therefore, there is no need for a lightbulb!
(If I can't get royalties or applause, I'll settle for a chuckle.)
This one came from the great Walter Martin:
A Christian Scientist died and was sent to Hell. Satan saw him walking about, muttering something over and over. He sent a junior demon to ask what was going on. The demon reported, "He keeps saying over and over, 'I'm not here! I'm not here! I'm not here!'"
|
|
|
Posted Wednesday, December 17, 2003 9:58 PM
|
|
|
|
I only remember one joke I ever heard about CS. A Baptist minister told my husband about it and he came home and told me. I can't even remember the joke - just the punch line: "No one there is a scientist and no one there is a Christian." I didn't think it was funny at the time. And I REALLY don't think it's funny now! Especially since I now know it's true. Having people I love in a religion that keeps them from knowing Jesus and receiving His salvation just isn't funny!
Blessings,
Susan
|
|
|
Posted Saturday, December 20, 2003 10:29 PM
|
|
|
|
In Irving Berlin's comedy, "Of Thee I Sing, Baby!" there is a highly incompetent reporter who is following the campaign of a Presidential candidate. Asked about his backround, he regales people with the great papers he worked for:* The NY Times (for two weeks). The Chicago Tribute (for a week). The Washington Post (for a month). And so on.
Somebody asked him if he ever kept a job for a long time.
"Oh, yes," he replies. "I was with the Christian Science Monitor for almost a year!"
"And then they also fired you?"
"Yes."
"Why did they keep you so long?"
"They refused to see anything wrong in me!"
(Apparently, even they couldn't deny the reality of his incompetetence!)
*It's been a long time. This joke is a very loose paraphrase.
|
|
|
Posted Friday, July 23, 2004 5:05 PM
|
|
|
|
A friend told me this true story the other day, and I thought it was a gem:
Back in the 60s there were some students at Principia College who were from
New England. Their surname was Eddy, and one of them told this story
about their parents --
It was not at all unusual for their mother to keep their father
waiting. Once, when they were in the heart of New York, she wanted to
study in the reading room while he tended to some business. Because
the traffic was so heavy and parking or even stopping on the street
was prohibited during rush hour, they agreed that she would come out
and wait at the curb and he would pick her up promptly at four
oclock.
Of course, she was not there when he went by right after 4:00, so he
drove around the four blocks that the one-way streets required. Again
she was not there. The third time he went by she was still not out
on the curb. The NYC traffic was getting to him, and he was getting
angry. The fourth time he came by, the light turned red. He burst out
of his car, ran up to the reading room door, flung it open, and shouted at the
top of his lungs, "Is Mrs. Eddy in here?" The librarian looked up at
him and, smiling sweetly, said "You shall find her in her writings."
|
|
|
Posted Thursday, July 29, 2004 6:30 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| | |