 Posted Sunday, October 18, 2009 9:38 AM
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Hi Surferfor Jesus........wow, 12 years. I am new to this site and definately gonna use it to soak up some support and strength. I am married to a CS and have only been for 9 months so far. I am finally transitioning from the stage of "secretely trying to control" and do things MY way to show him CS is not the answer to letting him in God's hands and praying fervently. You see, I went through a phase (and still do some) where I was obsessed with him being led in the wrong direction and participating in the lies of the enemy. He truly believes he has found the Truth and is being led in the right direction. And the "narrow path" it talks about in the Bible is so narrow it only implies to CS who have the "real" truth and all else don't really get it. I have had to learn huge lessons on humility and have really had to learn to give this situation to God. My obsession with his well-being disrupted my own relationship with Christ and led me to be full of fear and constant worry. Now, through staying in the Word, talking about my situation with others of Christian faith who are going through the same thing, and praying for my husband, I have come out of where I was. You see, I gave my life to Christ Sept 7 2006 and I met my husband in recovery. We were both led to be humbled by an addiction that took mastered us for many years. We met and my husband (who was a friend at the time) had an "awakening" and began to read the Bible with me and attend church with me. We were in love and weere married.......a bit down the road, his childhood upbringing of CS clicked in him and he told me he could no longer go to church with me and was gonna go to CS church. ALL his time now is spent studying MEB books and S&H. He reads the Bible mostly only with S&H. I often wonder how when he reads the Bible without CS books, how can he not be convicted of all the lies in S&H. Then in this website I read an ex-CS say that they get so entranced by the cult that they will read over anything not pertaining to CS unconsciously...makes sense. He does enjoy Christian music and that is one area where we can unite together and go to concerts. I chuckled at your response above bc in the music it states biblical quotes going against what CS teaches and he will be singing right along.......in spite of myself, God is working  I pray for his release of bondage everyday...I am impatient too, I read the story of Abraham and Sarah and them having a baby, over 100 wait. I want it to happen NOW! It's also hard bc he gets very irritable when he gets distracted from his work. (2 kids, a bird, and wife) hard to live with absolutely NO distrations. I have to tell the children to quiet down so he won't get upset. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. He went to class instruction this past August, which I paid for....he will only work 2 days a week so he can spend the rest of his waking moments studying CS. (won't ever offer to take a family day and go to the beach or bowling or anything like that, unless I initiate it and when I do I am always scared to ask bc I dont want to be let down. ) I feel alone a lot and often wonder why he married me bc I feel like we live separate lives. I know that's the enemy though. But I have to be honest and share the negative thoughts I have as well. I basially raise 2 kids alone, do all housework, support the family, pay all the bills, I am back in school fulltime, work, do oil changes, I mean all of it beacuse he chooses not to lift a finger as it will take away from him needed CS time. When he gets frustrated that hes not getting his "spiritual time" he needs, it burns me up! I do my best to tame the tongue.....sometimes I just look at him and tell him he can't even see it and he's selfish. I love my study time and prayer time but due to having to manage as a single woman with children I may get 10 percent of the time he gets with Scripture. OK, enough about me whining my self pity lines. I hate the way I sound but I know I have to be honest. It's just really hard sometime and other times (more now than not) it is easier. When I am truly relying and trusting in Jesus, I am at peace. I am also afraid for if the day comes, he will need medical care and won't take it...I don't know how I will handle that. I guess that's why God allowed me to discover this site! Thanks for all you courageaous souls to share your testimonies and to help others like myself stand firm in our faith amidst all the deception and lies amongst us in our families and friends. Love to all!!!!
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Posted Sunday, October 18, 2009 5:32 PM
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I basially raise 2 kids alone, do all housework, support the family, pay all the bills, I am back in school fulltime, work, do oil changes, I mean all of it beacuse he chooses not to lift a finger as it will take away from him needed CS time. Are you sure he isn't treating CS like another addiction? CS doesn't teach its people to ignore their family responsibilites. He seems way "over the top," and I suspect even his CS Teacher would disapprove of this type of behavior. Do you have any CS friends with whom you could discuss what's going on?
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Posted Monday, October 19, 2009 8:39 AM
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I am thinking the same thing.He has traded one addiction for another and thrown in emotional abuse on top of it.
I was in CS for 37 years.Please don't let CS seep into your kids and do take them to doctors...please...
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Posted Monday, October 19, 2009 11:26 AM
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| Thanks, don't worry I will take the kids to doctors as needed. It's like a rollar coaster.......he will come around and be loving and I will think "OK!" It's gonna get better, then he will get frustatated if he spends time outside of CS and will be very irritable. It is getting better....though the prior writing may not sound so. He's gone from being very angry and seems to have "treated" that issue but replaced it with one of no compassion or understanding. Now if I bring something up in which we disagree upon instead of shouting at me and saying something is wrong with me and my perception, he will ignore it and say there is nothing wrong. I guess the whole "illusion" thing...... His family is CS and they are all really loving people, even the people I have met through the church. I just think that it's at the point where I need to work on myself and do what I need to do with my relationship to God and my family and keep praying that he may see Christ through me and that something is "different" in it than what he is trying to gain through MBE. So frustrating.....God Bless all of you who have come out on the others side and I truly do know there is a purpose for what my husband and I are both going through right now even though I can't visibly see it. Thank you for your tremendous support. It is so wonderful to be able to share... What an entangling web this thing will trap someone into...
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Posted Tuesday, October 20, 2009 8:17 AM
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Dear anon - there has been so much of your experience in my own life. My father was very much like your husband. My mother (not CS) used to say that he was "obsessed " with CS. I even remember being told to be absolutely silent while we watched the news on TV, because he would be knowing the truth at the same time! Also, later in my life, the CS "switch" came on. I took my husband and children out of a Christian church into a CS church. But a few years later, due to prayer from a neighbour a miracle happened and God set me free. It wasnt quick, it took several months.
The point is - just keep praying, and maybe get others to pray as well (there are also some good prayer ministry websites) and things will happen!
Love to you
Starfish
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